Comforters are a Sham

No, really. Think about it. You buy a decent quality comforter, one claiming to possess a high thread count or the latest in microfiber technology. It looks nice, is soft to the touch, and keeps you warm on those cold, wintry nights. All is well and right in the world.

But then, disaster strikes. Maybe it gets pushed to the floor on a warm night and covered in dust and dirt. Maybe your new baby spits up a little formula on it. Or maybe, just maybe, your cat, after snacking on a house plant that you were pretty sure was well out of reach, hops up onto the bed and coughs up a little more than just house plant leaves. Spray cleaners and paper towels don’t quite do the trick, so you look to the tag for guidance: “Machine wash cold, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low.”

Sounds easy enough. But what you end up pulling from the dryer is a sad substitute for your once-glorious comforter. Sure, it may still have that high thread count or its microsuede, but basically it’s now a large, lumpy mass. Each time through the process — after all, the cat can be just as productive without nibbling on a plant — the lumps get lumpier, and now your covering provides you with alternating cold and warm patches, much like you might find whilst swimming in a lake.¹ So what do you do? You could use blankets instead; they’re not as fluffy, but they’re easier to clean and won’t lump up on you. But no, you tell yourself that this time you’re going to be extra careful, or that you think you’ve figured out how to wash it without the adverse effects, and you buy another comforter. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

And don’t even get me started on bed ruffles.


¹ In a lake, the warm patches are likely due to the sun. In a pool, or in a water park, not so much.