- I am thankful that, unlike last Thanksgiving, I have yet to drive through the garage door.
- I am thankful for gorges with rock walls just far enough apart, and water at least eight feet deep at the bottom. (So very thankful...)
- I am thankful for ninjas.
- I am thankful for my wonderful group of friends, not one of whom has seen through my ingenious disguise to discover that I am, in fact, their sworn arch-enemy.1
- I am thankful for my family, without whom I probably never would have existed.
- I am thankful for organizations such as the Food Bank. I deposited a turkey last year, and thanks to magic of accrued interest, I now have a turkey with gravy, stuffing, a side of mashed potatoes, and a slice of apple pie for dessert.
- I am thankful for our aquaphobic dog, since “aquaphobic dog” is generally synonymous with “dry, unsmelly dog.”
- I am thankful for the stupid people of the world.2 If it wasn’t for them, not only would news headlines be horrifically dull, but I’d have much less to write about.
- I am thankful for turkeys. Without getting three strikes in a row, I’d never break 200 in Wii bowling.
- I am thankful for the little things in life.3
- I am thankful for laughter so contagious that it spreads throughout a room in mere seconds, doubling everyone over with giggles and chortles and guffaws so they don’t notice that I’m eating some of their pie.
- I am thankful to be so full of thank.
- But most of all, I am thankful for Denise. She made muffins.
1 For I am... Nemesis Man!
2 As long as those dumkopfs remain far, far away from me. No, really; stay away.