Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Pleas of the Costumeless

When kids come to my door on Halloween, their eyes wide and hands shaking in search of their next sugar fix, I require only two things:
  1. They must say "Trick or treat!" 1
  2. If they're not wearing a costume, they must tell me what they're supposed to be.
After all, being lazy is one thing. But lazy and uncreative I can't abide. And I'm strict when it comes to giving out the goods;2 no sweets in the bag until both conditions are met.

With 130+ trick-or-treaters, we saw our share of the unadorned among the shambling hordes. Of course, some of these were also lazy in their creativity. They claimed to be:
  • an athlete
  • a basketball player
  • a hobo
  • a rapper
  • I don't know
Others, however, managed to make me chuckle:
  • a flyboy (complete with an appropriate flyboy pose)
  • a citizen
  • a realistic person who goes to school3
  • just a kid looking for candy
Next year, I think I might institute a tiered system for my candy dispersal. Costumed children will get the best (or the most) candy. Uncostumed but inventive kids receive the lesser brands (or amounts). Those lazy in both action and mind get the stale leftovers from this year.

Alright, kids, you've got a year to come up with your stories. Wow me. Otherwise, you're stuck with year-old Bazooka Joe.


1 I'll waive this rule if they open with a more amusing alternative. For instance, the girl who groaned "BRAAAAAAINS!" and the group singing adapted Christmas carols ("Good tidings we bring, for sugary things...") got a pass. And some oh so delicious candy.
2 And the plentys.
3 This was the same kid who first said "I don't know." He then took ten seconds to come up with his answer. I restrained myself from humming the Jeopardy theme.

18 comments:

  1. I saw one uncostumed kid and his girlfriend, who carried an anti-war demonstration sign. The kid had broken his ankle a few days earlier, and his crutches were his costume. He was a "war veteran" and his girlfriend was a peace demonstrator. They got candy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, they made a sign. That's more effort than anyone I mentioned in my post. All I ask is, if you're not going to put in any effort, at least be creative about it.

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  2. Chipotle's had a $2 burrito if you wer in costume deal and the number of "athletes" astounded me. Apparently a ball cap and local team t-shirt is all one needs to be an "athlete." As a kid I didn't have a costume one year, so I got a collared shirt and put a napkin under the collar and was a priest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but being priestly took more effort than all those "athletes," who likely dressed that way all the time. Thus, you deserved the $2 burrito. The others deserved to be subjected to drug-testing and then banned from the restaurant for 50 days.

      Delete
  3. Hand out toothbrushes to the lazy ones! That will teach them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but the lazy ones probably wouldn't take the time to brush their teeth, either. Maybe breath mints...

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  4. We live out in the country, and the frigid remains of the Frankenstorm were blasting us, so we got a grand total of zero trick or treaters this year. Which means we get to eat all the chocolate.

    Arctic explorer costumes, however, would have received extra treats on account of their wisdom and foresight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our town didn't suffer much from Frank'nSandy, so our Halloween wasn't canceled like last year. But if there'd been any storm-related costumes, they'd have gotten bonus treats for sure.

      But I'm a little jealous of your situation. Enjoy your chocolate.

      Delete
  5. We gave some kids a hard time (and apples) for not wearing costumes. My car got egged in return. So be careful lest the yolk be on you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stay away from El Julio's car. Got it.

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  6. My kids and I love to dress up, but my husband always goes as an electrical engineer . . . his job. Although this year he wore an orange shirt and dark green pants (again, work attire), and everyone called him the upside down pumpkin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dressed up only once between the ages of 14-28, and that was cobbled together from stuff in my apartment (Spatula Man!). But I've since gotten back into the spirit of things. I always go as something other than me, because for me that's the point. Although, I kind of like the idea of being an upside-down pumpkin...

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  7. Replies
    1. I like to think of it not as being strict, but as "promoting creativity."

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  8. Funny. That old Bazooka with break their teeth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but only if the lazy are also stupid or unobservant. Otherwise, it's just a lesson for those specific kids not to trick-or-treat at my house.

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  9. Thank God I live where no little urchins can scale my walls and ring a bell of any kind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, we don't have a working doorbell. They just pile up three rows deep and bang on the door. (I still don't know how they all got over the moat.)

      Delete