Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

This May Just Be the Blood Loss Talking, But...

I'm still alive. We all are. It's been over a week since our home was beset by these horrible creatures, but so far we've been able to hold them at bay. Barely.

They can't come inside unless we allow them in, yet every night we hear them tap-tap-tapping ever so softly at our windows, trying to get to us. And contrary to popular belief, they're not confined to the night. They stalk us during the day when it's overcast, and swarm if we get too close to the shadows. We rarely go out anymore.

When we do venture outside, I've had to fend off hordes of them multiple times to protect my family and my home. I've taken my fair share of lumps in the process, but no matter how many I vanquish their numbers do not dwindle.

As much as they'd love to feast upon my flesh, I'm but an appetizer. Their true prize is my young son, whom they view as a succulent delicacy and wish nothing more than to drain him of his life's blood. This became abundantly clear when I dropped my guard for one moment on the way to our car, and nearly reacted too late to save him. The two raised welts on his neck are a constant reminder of how close they came.

I don't know how much longer we'll be able to hold them off. Garlic has no effect, nor do crosses or holy water. We need someone more experienced in these matters to swoop in and slay the foul beasts. Otherwise, I feel we'll soon be overrun.

Damn mosquitoes.

10 comments:

  1. I know man. All the rain has made them terrible here as well. I mean, MORE terrible. This is MN after all

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    1. Ooh, you're right. Minnesota tops Google's search results as having the mosquito as its state bird (joined on the first page by Alaska & NJ). Makes sense, since MN is the land of 10,000 mosquito breeding grounds.

      Good to know. If I ever visit, I'll wear a snowsuit.

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    2. Manitoba, (just above MN on the map, if your map includes Canada) proudly advertises that it has 100,000 mosquito breeding grounds! Their mosquitos cross the border to drain blood from those wimpy MN mosquitos.

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    3. Says the man who wasn't man enough to live among the Manitoban mosquitoes, and chose to hang out with the mini-Minny ones instead.

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  2. We have a ton of them as well due to the rain. My new cologne is Off.

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    1. You should swap Off for Axe. If the commercials are to believed, that way women (perhaps Kate Beckinsale) will attach themselves to you, providing a natural barrier between you and the mosquitoes.

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  3. I so hear you, Nate...Oh, wait. It's the buzz of a mosquito! :-)

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    1. Ooh, you got my mosquito message! I've been using them for correspondence since they're so much cheaper than carrier pigeons. I'll await your reply.

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  4. I feel for you. Not a problem in my neighborhood, because I'm surrounded by barns - which means lots of swallows and BATS! Bats are awesome, I see them flying by my house at twilight and they are welcome! Maybe you could put up some bird and bat houses? (Or wrap the boy in mosquito netting?)

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    1. Li, you've convinced me. I shall build an underground lair for the Bat-Man. Once again my son will be protected from the creatures of the night.

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