Don't believe me? Feast your eyes on these killer lines I just wrote:
And there, in the middle of it all, Lou. Doing not a goddamn thing.That's some fine prose right there, isn't it? No, of course not. It's utter rubbish.1 But this is still the first draft, so I'm allowed to churn out line after line of horrendously horrific garbage. I'm the only one reading it, after all.
I won't get away with it for long, however.2 I'm inching — or rather, millimetering — toward the novel's stunning conclusion3 as we speak.4
That's right, the end is near(...ish). Sometime this year, I'll put the finishing touches on Chapter 40, sit back, give a little smile and say, "Shit. I have a lot of editing to do." But then I'll begin the edits, and the second draft will go faster, because I've always found editing easier. I'll remove all the trash from this draft, or at least polish it up so it's another man's treasure, and then finally start to let people read it.
That's right, you might actually get to read my novel sometime soon(...ish).5 Now, aren't you glad I'm not here? Instead of entertaining you for a couple minutes now, I'm working on something that
That is all. Now just carry on, and pretend like I was never here.
(Because I wasn't.)
1 Yep, two straight sentence fragments. Coupled with casual profanity. My writing's classy as all fuck.
2 Some shaggy fellow has started snooping around with his dog.
3 What's stunning is it may actually have a conclusion.
4 Note: We are not actually speaking. These are words on a page. Er, screen. Unless you printed this out. You didn't, did you? If you wasted paper printing out my blog, we are going to have words.
5 Assuming you're a person. As I said, I'm only letting people read it. If you're an animal, you'll have to wait for my next book, Thank You Furry Much. If you're a robot, in 2014 I'll be doing Life Sentience.