Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

10 Star Wars Tie-Ins Disney Forgot to Do

Moichandising, moichandising, moichandising!

When two of the most unapologetic merchandising engines in the world joined forces (i.e. when Disney acquired Lucasfilm), we knew Star Wars would soon permeate every aspect of our lives. From waffle makers to condensed soup to in-store promotions to acquaintances' Friendster pages, Star Wars is everywhere. Or is it?

I've uncovered ten areas where Disney is not taking full advantage of the merchandising possibilities. As far as I know, the following product tie-ins do not yet exist:

  1. Rylo Ken & Barbie's Dream House
     
  2. BB-8 Sings BB King's 8 Greatest Hits
     
  3. The Buffalo Light Sabres1
     
  4. Are Yoosa Smarter Than a Jar Jar?
     
  5. The "Luke, I Am Your Father" Paternity Test2
     
  6. The Ewok eWok3
     
  7. Han Solo Solo-brand cups
     
  8. The Darth Mall4
     
  9. Yoda Soda5
     
  10. The Walking Carpet

Come on, Disney. Let's get these things out on the market already.6

Slackers.


1 Opponents are going to lose a lot more than their teeth.
2 Yeah, I know it's not the actual quote. It's okay; you might not be the actual father, either.
3 Fry up some environmentalists without harming the environment.
4 Its main concourse will have plenty of automatic doors. And, of course, an Orange Julius.
5 When 900 calories you reach...
6 Also Jabba the Hutt the Hut.

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