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The wedding is fast approaching — I estimate at somewhere around Mach 5 — and Denise and I are doing our best to tie up all the remaining loose ends.1 There’s much more to do than either of us originally thought, but we’re slowly chipping away at the list. I am, however, proud to announce that, as I stated last September, there will be no bouquet or garter thrown at our wedding. There will be no groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girls, or ring bearers. There will be no pews, no priest, no Pachelbel’s Canon. No DJ, no band, no videographer. No Macarena, no Electric Slide. Thankfully, no rain.2
We’re not having a minimalist wedding, though. We’ll have a five-course Italian meal. We’ll have kids throw birdseed at us. We’ll have a song written just for the occasion. There will be ducks, glow sticks, noise makers, totem poles, the Goose Patrol, and, for reasons beyond my understanding, a giant metal pumpkin head. Also, a bear on a unicycle.3
Instead of the Chicken Dance, we’ll have the Safety Dance.
Instead of a rehearsal dinner, we’ll have a game night.
And instead of the same old wedding with the same old traditions, we’ll have a day that’s unique to us. A day that’s truly ours.
I can’t wait.
1 We’re mostly using slip knots.
2 According to both the local meteorologist and Blind Melon.
3 Don’t tell Denise. She doesn’t know about this one yet.