Denise says I spend too much time on the blogs.
Not writing them, clearly — this is only my third post this month — but reading them. And she isn't entirely wrong; by my estimate, I'm currently following 8,157 blogs.1 Her argument is that all my time spent keeping up with those other blogs is keeping me from working on my novel. She isn't entirely wrong about that, either.
But I am not, as she asserts, addicted.
I'm not. I can quit whenever I want to. Not that I ever would, because everyone knows quitters never win, and winners never quit. Except for that one winner who did quit since he'd already won. Or maybe he just quit while he was ahead. Either way, quitting worked out fine for him, so obviously, I could also—no, that's not right. Let me start over.
I can quit whenever I want to. Not that I would, because quitters never win... unless they're competing in a quitting competition, in which case it would depend on how fast or how impressively they quit, and—crap. That's not it, either.
I can quit whenever I want. Not that I would, because quitting is for losers, and I'm not a loser, despite what that one commenter said on my blog. In fact, I highly doubt his credentials as a "Loser Expert," and if he ever comments again I will totally have a better comeback for him than "Nuh uh, YOU'RE the loser." And I certainly won't avoid the internet for a month and cry myself to sleep each night, like I—
Sorry, I got a little off track there. One last try.
I can quit whenever I want. But I won't quit, because quitting is stupid and because I am a WINNER. Are you a winner? I don't think so. You're a—wait, you are a winner? Can there be two winners? Are you sure? Huh. Guess I'm not a winner after all. No, wait. I AM a winner. I'm at least a second-place winner. And I will stand up tall and show the whole world that... that... um...
Aw, screw it. I give up.
1 Actually, it's probably closer to 8,152. Yeah, I never learned how to estimate.