Behold! Random samplings from my brain:
- When I'm in a really long meeting, I start to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. You know, where after a while your captors all start to sound like the Swedish Chef? Invariably, I get called out by my boss for not caring enoof aboot Proojek Bork-Bork-Bork.
- tax•i•der•mist (noun) - an individual from whom the Internal Revenue Service can only collect money when they pry it from his cold, dead paw.
- They really need to make a video game that allows you to choose miniature animal avatars. Mostly, because that's the only way one might have a legitimate reason to say, "Oui, we wee Wii weevils wee! wee! wee! all the way home."1
- Beware any classified ad that says anything along the lines of:
1958 Ford Edsel, only 50,000 mi, excellent condition. $500 OBO.You shouldn't have to pay that much for an oboe that can't play an E.
- Mark Twain once proclaimed, "Golf is a good walk spoiled." He was wrong. I think you'll find anything can be improved by hitting things with sticks. (e.g. walks, horse rides, chemistry class, Fox News)
- By the end of the first second, third place was well out of reach. I'd only just downed my fourth fifth of scotch, but was already feeling kind of sixth.
- The old man smoked like a chimney2 and drank like a fish,3 but was too stubborn to die of natural causes. So, unnatural it would have to be.
- And finally, although I can't claim credit for this one, I do love the example sentence for defenestrate on dictionary.com: "The rebels stormed the palace and defenestrated the President." Yes, seriously.
1 You might claim my claim of legitimacy has no legitimacy. But that's where we differ.
2 Only on cold, wintry nights.
3 With his mouth formed into an O.