Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, October 25, 2010

Miscellaneous Monday

Sometimes, I'll come up with an idea that's too long to share on The Twitter, but too short to dedicate an entire post to it. That's where this post comes in.

Behold! Random samplings from my brain:
  • When I'm in a really long meeting, I start to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. You know, where after a while your captors all start to sound like the Swedish Chef? Invariably, I get called out by my boss for not caring enoof aboot Proojek Bork-Bork-Bork.

  • tax•i•der•mist (noun) - an individual from whom the Internal Revenue Service can only collect money when they pry it from his cold, dead paw.

  • They really need to make a video game that allows you to choose miniature animal avatars. Mostly, because that's the only way one might have a legitimate reason to say, "Oui, we wee Wii weevils wee! wee! wee! all the way home."1

  • Beware any classified ad that says anything along the lines of:
    1958 Ford Edsel, only 50,000 mi, excellent condition. $500 OBO.
    You shouldn't have to pay that much for an oboe that can't play an E.

  • Mark Twain once proclaimed, "Golf is a good walk spoiled." He was wrong. I think you'll find anything can be improved by hitting things with sticks. (e.g. walks, horse rides, chemistry class, Fox News)

  • By the end of the first second, third place was well out of reach. I'd only just downed my fourth fifth of scotch, but was already feeling kind of sixth.

  • The old man smoked like a chimney2 and drank like a fish,3 but was too stubborn to die of natural causes. So, unnatural it would have to be.

  • And finally, although I can't claim credit for this one, I do love the example sentence for defenestrate on dictionary.com: "The rebels stormed the palace and defenestrated the President." Yes, seriously.

1 You might claim my claim of legitimacy has no legitimacy. But that's where we differ.
2 Only on cold, wintry nights.
3 With his mouth formed into an O.

6 comments:

  1. These are hilarious!
    Actually, the 140 character limit for Twitter is a bit too restrictive.

    I used to get Stockholm Syndrome when I was working- after a while I started to empathize with my boss who were holding us hostage during another meeting that extended into lunch break, "Hmm, I bet your gastroenteririts is acting up too!"

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  2. I like the tax•i•der•mist one.
    Speaking of such...I'm not crazy about animal parts that hang off walls, but I'm oddly attracted to the wearable kind (remember the linked minks that hung around old womens' necks, biting each other's butts (the minks, not the old women). They frightened me as a child, but now, well, I have several and wear them just for fun...I call it tax•a•pparel! I think it could be worn on occasions like your #1 with great effect...

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  3. Excellent samplings of ramblings. Though I would've thought a taxidermist might've been one who surgically removes the skin off of a taxi driver.

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  4. Eeleen, I'm glad you enjoyed the post. And you're right: The Twitter can be too restrictive. My words don't liked to be penned in. That's why, on this blog, I raise free-range ideas. They're bigger, healthier, and live much longer than those 140-character runts.

    Falen, I'll get right on it. Dialing now... 1-800-NINTENDO.

    JB, linked minks would certainly liven up those dreadful meetings, but I'll do you one better. Next time I'll wear live minks.

    Jeffrey, I can understand how you might think that, but those types of taxi-dermists are nothing but hacks.

    Jessica, glad I could entertain! That's my goal in life. That, or successfully evading the authorities.

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