Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, December 2, 2010

One Crazy Guy Explains Eight Crazy Nights

I have a brittle ladle. I made it out of clay.
And if it's dry and ready, I'll serve you soup today.
Oh ladle, ladle, ladle, it's so much fun to say.
And whether borscht or lentil, I'll serve you soup today.

Happy Chanukah Hanukkah, everybody!

Of course, I suspect many of you goyim know very little about Chanukka Hannukah Hanukkah.1 Lucky for you, I have just the thing:

Don't worry whether I'm actually your uncle. Just click the link. You'll learn the origins of many of Hanuka Khanika Chechnya Hanukkah's long-standing traditions, such as:
  • What's the real reason the menorah holds eight candles?
  • What were latkes called before they were called latkes?
  • Is spinning the dreidel anything like spinning the bottle?
It's all in there. Check it out.

But wait: There's more!

Since I'm feeling extra generous this holiday season, along with Uncle Nate's Absurdly Awesome Hanukkah Primer, I'll also provide you with an even more valuable service.

I will answer any question you have about Judaism.

Any question at all. Maybe there's something else you want to know about Hannukkah Kamchatka Hakuna Matata Hanukkah. Maybe you're curious about Jewish culture, history, or faith. Or maybe you just want to talk about cheap misers with big noses. Whatever it is, ask away. Just leave your questions in the comment section, and I'll answer them all. I might even dedicate an entire post to it if I get enough questions.

So, what do you want to know?

1 Or what the gehenna a goyim is.


  1. i've actually got a pretty firm grip on the whole Hanukkah thing from an elementary school friend who was literally like 1 of 2 jewish students in our class.

  2. What is the general teaching/belief on the Messiah and what he will look like or when he will come?

  3. Good question, I know very little so how can I ask if I don't know? But we can start with what Chris Phillips asked???
    Aunt Sharon

  4. I've no questions on Judaism or faith or anything like that. What I want to know is this: what makes you think you've got a big nose?

  5. If a Jew cheats on their Kosher diet, do they lose their Jewish superpowers immediately, or is there some kind of grace period allowing for atonement?

  6. Falen, let me guess: Your "knowledge" of Hanukkah is completely different from the absolute and utter truth I laid down in my primer. I'm sorry to hear your elementary school friend told you nothing but lies.

    Everyone else, thanks for your questions! I'll be answering them all in a new post before the early December candle lighting craze dies down.

    And keep the questions coming!

  7. I want to know what makes Jeffrey think you don't have a big nose.

    Also a huge part of reconciling yourself to God was in offering. Now that there is no temple or high priests to do all of that neatness how do you reconcile yourselves?

    Oh and this one is important. Let's say You are an eskimo convert to Judaism who herds seals? When you give your offering is it technically kosher in that instance to club a baby seal?

  8. What's with the little hats?
    And have you played spin the bottle? Not really Jewish related, but now I'm curious.