Blog tag. It's like laser tag, but without the lasers. Also, instead of running around an abandoned warehouse trying to shoot Neil Patrick Harris, all you get to do is sit at your computer and answer five questions. I barely eluded getting tagged by Heather Henry over at Little Red Henry, but then, like an idiot, I let my guard down2 and Bryce Daniels (of the Bryce Daniels Preservation Society) got me.
Shortly thereafter, Bryce had me sweating under the heat lamps of some interrogation room...
What's the first thing you do in the morning?
I try to uncuff myself from this chair and get the hell out of here. You ain't got no right holding me against my will. I'm innocent, I tells ya, innocent! I demand a lawyer! Actually, no, I take that back. I demand a bowl of ice cream. A bowl of ice cream, and the key to these handcuffs! In that order.
Also, a spoon would be nice.
How old do you feel?
Well, most of me feels 32, but my front teeth feel about 26 or so, and my molars even younger than that. I've got these scars on my hand that feel about 5 years old, and a cute little mosquito bite on my right arm that feels no more than a day or two old.
Serves you right for asking such a stupid question.
What's your sign and does the description match your personality?
This has been my sign ever since I first saw it two years ago in Placerville, ID, and I think it describes me splendidly. After all, my personality does not contain a single traffic sign.
Well, maybe "Wrong Way."
How do you like your caffeine?
I like my caffeine wrapped in a tortilla, sprinkled with cinnamon, topped with whipped cream and caramel, set on fire, and eaten whilst riding a yak across the Alaskan tundra.
What is your favorite cartoon character?
No no no, What is my favorite fictional second baseman. GIR is my favorite cartoon character. (Calvin would have given GIR a run for his money, except I consider Calvin & Hobbes a comic strip rather than a cartoon, and GIR has no money.)
Have you chosen a name for your son yet?
No. But we've got it narrowed down to three: Ozymandias Nebuchadnezzar Wilson, Azrael Gargamel Wilson, and Island Volleyball Wilson. Then again, Anonymous No Middle Name Wilson has a nice ring to it, too.
Eh, we'll probably just figure it out with a Ouija board, like we do with all our major decisions.3
Weren't there only five questions originally?
You shut your face.
Okay, enough of this nonsense. Where's my damn ice cream?
Fine. I'll get it myself. *expertly picks lock with shoelace* *throws cuffs at Bryce* *puts other words between asterisks* *leaves room*
1 He's currently six days overdue, which means not only has he inherited my procrastination gene, but he's also already figured out how to rankle his mother, the librarian.
2 My guard's name is Louis. He's really disappointed in me.
3 I'm kidding, of course. We no longer own a Ouija board, ever since my bowl of Alphabet Soup told us to get rid of it.