Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Friday, July 1, 2011

Ye Gads, They Got Me!

I fully intended my next blog post to be the one introducing my son, but he's taking his sweet time getting here.1 So instead, you get this.

Blog tag. It's like laser tag, but without the lasers. Also, instead of running around an abandoned warehouse trying to shoot Neil Patrick Harris, all you get to do is sit at your computer and answer five questions. I barely eluded getting tagged by Heather Henry over at Little Red Henry, but then, like an idiot, I let my guard down2 and Bryce Daniels (of the Bryce Daniels Preservation Society) got me.

Shortly thereafter, Bryce had me sweating under the heat lamps of some interrogation room...

What's the first thing you do in the morning?
I try to uncuff myself from this chair and get the hell out of here. You ain't got no right holding me against my will. I'm innocent, I tells ya, innocent! I demand a lawyer! Actually, no, I take that back. I demand a bowl of ice cream. A bowl of ice cream, and the key to these handcuffs! In that order.

Also, a spoon would be nice.

How old do you feel?
Well, most of me feels 32, but my front teeth feel about 26 or so, and my molars even younger than that. I've got these scars on my hand that feel about 5 years old, and a cute little mosquito bite on my right arm that feels no more than a day or two old.

Serves you right for asking such a stupid question.

What's your sign and does the description match your personality?

This has been my sign ever since I first saw it two years ago in Placerville, ID, and I think it describes me splendidly. After all, my personality does not contain a single traffic sign.

Well, maybe "Wrong Way."
How do you like your caffeine?
I like my caffeine wrapped in a tortilla, sprinkled with cinnamon, topped with whipped cream and caramel, set on fire, and eaten whilst riding a yak across the Alaskan tundra.

What is your favorite cartoon character?
No no no, What is my favorite fictional second baseman. GIR is my favorite cartoon character. (Calvin would have given GIR a run for his money, except I consider Calvin & Hobbes a comic strip rather than a cartoon, and GIR has no money.)

Have you chosen a name for your son yet?
No. But we've got it narrowed down to three: Ozymandias Nebuchadnezzar Wilson, Azrael Gargamel Wilson, and Island Volleyball Wilson. Then again, Anonymous No Middle Name Wilson has a nice ring to it, too.

Eh, we'll probably just figure it out with a Ouija board, like we do with all our major decisions.3

Weren't there only five questions originally?
You shut your face.

Okay, enough of this nonsense. Where's my damn ice cream?

Fine. I'll get it myself. *expertly picks lock with shoelace* *throws cuffs at Bryce* *puts other words between asterisks* *leaves room*

1 He's currently six days overdue, which means not only has he inherited my procrastination gene, but he's also already figured out how to rankle his mother, the librarian.
2 My guard's name is Louis. He's really disappointed in me.
3 I'm kidding, of course. We no longer own a Ouija board, ever since my bowl of Alphabet Soup told us to get rid of it.


  1. Island Volleyball Wilson is a stupid name.

  2. Ah darn, babies never show up when they're supposed to. I think they love surprising us.
    Love your answers. I knew they would be fairly odd and unexpected. :)

  3. LMAO! Inventive answers, but I hate to break it to you, there's no yaks in Alaska. You gotta go to Mongolia for that. ;)

  4. Naomi: Says the one who wants his name to include "Professor," "Tuckered," and "Pudding."

    Heather: Yep, I'd heard that about babies, but now I'm getting to experience it firsthand. And I'm glad I didn't disappoint with my answers.

    Melissa: You mean there are no yaks in Alaska yet. Eventually, you'll learn not to underestimate me... :)

  5. Ozymandias has a nice ring to it, but I'd throw my vote in for Island Volleyball Wilson. Just think: sun and fun all wrapped into one name. The irony is he'll probably end up becoming a major snowboarding athlete or something...

  6. Very clever, as usual. Love your #1 footnote - the little stinker. I hope he makes his appearance soon and without incident.

  7. Great answers, Nate! Wouldn't your lips freeze before you could eat that tortilla though? Or are you more likely to freeze your as to that yak instead?

  8. "Vee have ways of making you talk."

    And no ice cream unless you claim temporary sherbet. Then, you get one spoon, but no forks or other pointed objects.

  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  10. I laughed so hard at this. And I'm happy to finally find someone else who communes with the spirits via alphabet shaped pasta. It's a lost art.

  11. Yes!! Azrael Gargamel Wilson - I love it. Very smurfy!

  12. Liz, a snowboarder, you say? Okay, Ollie McTwist Wilson is the new frontrunner.

    Mary: Thanks! And I hope so, too, on both counts.

    Alex, if my lips start to freeze, all I have to do is hold them closer to the flaming tortilla. (I guess the frozen ass-yak is more likely.)

    Bryce, I will indeed claim temporary sherbet to get some ice cream. I may even do so multiple times. And then I'll escape using a pointed argument.

    julie, hold on--so I'm not being advised by soup? There are actually spirits controlling the letters? Ew. Although, now it makes sense why it always tastes faintly of ectoplasm.

    Larysa, actually, to be fair, it's very anti-smurfy...

  13. Louis?
    Island Volleyball Wilson made me laugh out loud, maybe you could go with Chuck Noland Wilson. I am still hoping for Neils Henrik.

  14. Now that was a unique approach to the tag game.

    Tossing It Out

  15. The Great and Powerful MoZ: I know I've been telling you for months that we won't be naming our son Neils, but since you've been so persistent, we still won't name him Neils. Personally, I think you should give him a stuffed animal named Neils.

    Arlee: If there's one thing I am, it's unique. I've never liked doing things just like everyone else, (Well, unless you count grades 2-12.)

  16. Okay, I still can't believe YOU are going to be responsible for another real live miniature human being! Thank goodness there will be a librarian involved ;)

  17. Bridget, despite your doubts, I am a shining beacon of responsibility. It's been two days already, and I haven't once dropped him.