Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Baked Beans, Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam

Yep, that's pretty much what I've been getting for blog comments lately. Only without the baked beans.

I last posted three weeks ago, though if you've been anywhere near as busy lazy as I have, you may not have noticed my absence. The anonymous spambot peppering my comment section sure hasn't. In the past week, I've deleted 24 spamments, including 8 today.

This spamming is getting out of spamtrol, and I tell you I won't stand for it.1

When the spam first started spamming in, I replied to the spammers, which was kind of fun. Then I tried spamming the spammers on their own blogs, which was even more fun.2

But as I've stated many times in recent months, I no longer have time to do things such as... things. So instead, I'm stuck despamming random spamlinks to U-haul and some Tulsa Dog Training Academy and information about Dred Scott.

I'd turn off anonymous comments, except I do have a few friends who still make them on occasion, and I'd rather inconvenience me than them. I'm just too spamming nice. And that's how the spamming spammers win.

Wait, did I say that's how they win? Because I meant that's how they incur my wrath. Because I'm not about to take this sitting down.3

Let this be a warning to all you spammers out there in spamville. This is not a spamocracy. You won't find your spamtopia here. The next spammer who spams my spamming site will spamming live to regret it. I will hunt you down. And I will do... something.

Possibly involving baked beans.


1 That's why I'm sitting.
2 As an added bonus, it looks like that same spammer spammed its own blog post from a year ago. When did that happen? Today. It's not a coincidence, people. This is fate.
3 Now I'm on the floor.

24 comments:

  1. I gave up trying to beat the spammers long ago. Now I just make it part of my blogging chores to delete the comments that slip past the blogger filter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The influx of spam is bad, but the real culprit is the spam filter. It used to catch nearly all spam, but now 3/4 gets through. (You could argue that spammers have gotten smarter, but you'd be wrong. If they were smarter, they'd use real grammar and links to real products.)

      Delete
  2. I have a few posts that are just spammer bait or something because I'm constantly deleting spam comments. Most of my posts don't get them, but the lucky few more than make up for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same thing here. Other than my most recent post, the others that are regularly spammed are one from last June and two over a year old.

      I have no idea why I didn't hit upon the solution sooner: Turn off comments for just those spammer bait posts. And... done. There, that should plug the biggest holes. I'm like a little Dutch boy, except my finger's on a mouse instead of stuck in a dyke.

      Delete
  3. I've noticed an upswing in anon comments. I wonder if they actually make any money by spamming my little site. Seems unlikely.

    mood
    Moody Writing
    (real person, technically)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, please. You're not real; you're imaginary, just like everyone else I come across in this virtual reality world known as "the internet."

      And no, they can't be making any money. I don't see how, when half their links go to random legal information or sites like Dilbert.

      Delete
  4. I finally did cave in and turn off anonymous comments. If anyone is that interested in leaving me a comment, they have half a dozen options to log in with various different online ID services. Maybe I just don't love my anonymous friends as much as you do, but every single anonymous comment I've received in the last few months has been spam.

    I still get a few spammy comments, but at least I make them own their spammity spamminess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See, you've got the right idea. I'm fine with those few with accounts and put claim to their spam. Those are targeted (poorly, of course, but targeted just the same), and not anonymously spammed in with links to random things. In those cases, I leave the comment up and simply respond with a snarky comment. Because there isn't enough snark in this world.

      Delete
  5. We do need more snark.
    No anonymous comments on my blog. I have enough to wade through without adding the spam.
    And doesn't spam usually come with spam, eggs, and spam?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ironically, Yahoo Mail designated the notification of your comment as spam, but let the next one through...

      Oh, and sometimes spam comes with lobster thermidor aux crevettes, with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle paté, brandy and a fried egg on top.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Drugged tea and direct vaginal contact with chemicals? Seriously? I warned you, spambot. And now you have incurred my baked bean wrath!

      (Note: the effects of my counter-attack are not visible on the mobile version of my blog.)

      Delete
  7. Great, I have to follow a vag yeast infection Anon comment. Thanks Nate!

    BTW, should I be jealous I don't get spam??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, 'tis I who is jealous of your spamlessness. All you miss out on is the Monty Python references.

      And don't worry, I improved the previous comment. So now you're following a vag yeast infection Anon comment topped with a generous helping of baked beans.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
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    1. I can keep a wedding website for one year, free of charge? Wow! Just wait until I tell my wife!

      You've been baked.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What what what? A chord can only be used in One Key? You're a horrible piano teacher.

      Baked.

      Delete
  10. I think we are being spammed by the same spammers! It occurs to me that they might be spamming my blog via yours! Oh know! it's contagious spam!

    ...as a side point, I wrote a disturbing Spam* scene into the novel I'm now working on--so every time I see Spam or spam, I get a little nauseous and then I giggle. Very spammy.

    *The canned** stuff made by Hormel

    **Did you know*** that Hormel discontinued the key and coil opening, and replaced it with the pull-off tab in 1989?

    ***I only know on account of my exhaustive Spam research!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That research does sound rather exhausting... er, exhaustive. But really, is there any type of Spam scene that isn't disturbing?

      And what? The same spammers are spamming you, too? I feel so used.

      Delete
  11. I don't really get hit much at all. But now i'm worried about contagious spam, like J.B. thought...

    ReplyDelete
  12. What the Smurf were you thinking? After your stint at Smurf College I thought you would refrain from reckless use of the SPAM word. I am Smurfingly disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you think past experiences will ever convince me to refrain from reckless use of anything, clearly you don't know me that well.

      And it was Smurf University, not Smurf College! Like I would ever deign to attend Smurf College. Smurf U!

      Delete