Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Fun With Homos

I like messing around with homophones, homonyms, homonids, and the like. A few of you may remember my discussion of we wee Wii weevils from a while back. Well, now that I'm a new father and spend more time awake thinking about inane things, congratulations! You get more of the same!1

And lest you get mad about me putting together a blog post with nothing but a list of horrendous homophones, you can also peruse 15 new photos of my week-old son (a.k.a. The Professor).
  • "You still need to repay me for that essence of sheep's eye you borrowed."
    "Oh aye, I owe you ewe eye eau."
     
  • When I competed in that International Pie-Eating Contest against King Juan Carlos of Spain and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, I'd have been victorious if not for four forefathers conspiring against me. Though I ate eight more than my competitors, I received no prizes; Juan won one, and they gave two to Tutu, too.
     
  • I sure hope the TV gods see fit to air Eyre Heir ere the end of the year. They'd better not fill that one empty timeslot with anything else. If they put a favorite of theirs there, they're going to be hearing from me.
     
  • Even if Orville and Wilbur had a strange coming-of-age tradition, don't just write "Wright Rite" right away. You need time to come up with a proper title.
     
  • Koreans believe fish have sun spirits, so don't scoff at Seoul sole sol soul.
     
  • "This may sound corny, but when I go through Mr. May's maize maze, rather than follow the rose roe's rows or the weighed whey way or the isle aisle, I'll compose an idle idol idyll and simply sing to myself until I'm out the other side," sighed Cy.

See? I told you they were horrendous.


1 The sleep deprivation isn't nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be. It may be because I've always lacked for sleep, or because I'm not working for the time being, or because I already once suffered through two weeks of the devastating combo of mono and insomnia (a.k.a. insomnimono). But no matter the reason, this minor sleep loss is child's play. Speaking of which, I can't wait to play with my child. (So far, his vision is blurry and he has no coordination, so the baseball just tends to hit him in the face.)

14 comments:

  1. Reading the captions of the pictures, I once agreed with you about the baby talk. Unfortunately scientists disagreed with me. That type of talking actually helps the child develop speech. A little humiliation on your part will be good for the Professor. :)

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  2. Congrats again on the new addition to your team! I wish I had known you earlier, though. A bit of advice. It takes a solid two months to develop babies into miniature Alex Rodriguezezezes. Until then? I'd stick with frisbee golf.

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  3. those make my head hurt. Guess I am a homo phobe. If the worlds oceans where given alphabetical notations, you go see the c sea, si?

    It wasn't that bad for me, but I can sleep through anything, to my wife's displeasure.

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  4. You have too much time to think my friend!

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  5. *falls over* I must be tired too, because I heart them. And congratulations on fatherhood! You are off on an amazing journey!

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  6. These are great! However, I like quirky words and quirky word combos. Oh, and the sleep thing, think Chinese water torture. It's not so much that the first drip bugs you, or even the tenth, it's that it keeps going and going and going and....Tell me it does not bother you when he has woken you at least once, nearly every night for 6 months. Then you can talk. Personally, I have managed approximately 6 months of non-consecutive 8-hour nights in the past 8 years (too sleep deprived to know if that sentence makes sense or if the punctuation is correct.) At some point I forgot what it was like to have a fully functioning brain, but life is really more fun this way. The professor is adorable!

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  7. After reading this I am hooked on homophonics, in a homophilic sort of way. Brilliant.

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  8. I suppose we wee has been on your mind lately - babies (and old guys) seem to go at least once every hour on the hour.

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  9. Joe, like scientists know anything. Independent tests (run by my parents and my in-laws) have verified that 3 out of 4 children can be raised without baby talk with no ill effects. My hypothesis: Reading trumps baby talk.

    Bryce, thanks for the tip, but we're not aiming for the second coming of A-Rod. My son will be far less greedy and selfish, more like a Griffey or Ripken. His training continues. (On weekends, however, we can do disc golf.)

    Budd, I'd be an alphabetical ocean pirate and seize C seas, see? Si. Oh, and I could sleep through the night if I wanted (apart for some certain bruises to my ribs), but if I did, you'd miss out on such gems as these.

    Alex, too much time to think? I don't think there is such a thing.

    Hart: You're probably not tired, just like-minded. (My deepest condolences on that.)

    Sara: In my sleep-deprived state, it seems you're comparing having a baby to Chinese water torture, and then Chinese water torture to the Energizer Bunny. I sure hope it's not like that; I hate the Energizer Bunny. (Just to be safe, the kid's not getting any drums.)

    anthony: Homophilia indeed. I just can't staunch the flow of words...

    li, The Professor is actually far less regular than your typical old guy. And you never know where the wee is going to appear: in his diaper, out the side of it, behind his shoulder... he's like the Houdini of pee.

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  10. heck yeah i want to see more baby pics! Also, i love have babies have old people hands and feet

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  11. Did you say Aaron wants drums for his first birthday? Ohhh...well...ok. I swore I would never do that to new parents, but if you really think drums and an Energizer Bunny are what he wants. Hee hee hee.

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  12. Falen, I believe The Professor's hands and feet may be growing younger to match his own age, so in the future I'll make sure to Photoshop some wrinkles onto them.

    Sara, tread lightly. Remember that whatever you get for The Professor, I can give back six-fold...

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  13. Excellent photos. Glad you're having fun with the new guy, day and night.

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  14. Thanks, Mary. And you're right, I am having fun with him day and night. But not in the wee hours of the morning (get it?), since it's harder to get back to sleep when the sun is peeking its awful, overly bright face above the horizon.

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