I am Destro

As a result of recent events, it has become readily apparent that I am chock full of innate luck (so to speak). Thus, it’s only fitting that our 2009 Rip It Up / Tear It Down Summer Tour culminated this past weekend with the destruction of the prime symbol of manufactured luck: the wishing well.

In all, there were four stops on the tour this year, and in my esteemed opinion (you may not esteem it, but I do), each one was an unmitigated success…

July 11, 2009 – The Carpeted Stairs
The problem: The hardwood grain of the stairs couldn’t be seen through the layers of musty carpeting, mustier padding material, hundreds of rusty nails and staples, and multiple coats of hideously colored, lead-based paint.¹
The solution: Rip it up, pull ‘em out, scrape it off.
The implements: Hammer, crowbar, awl, pliers, paint scraper.
The result:

¹ I’m just guessing about the lead. It could have been asbestos.


July 25, 2009 – Those Damned Crab Apples
The problem: Weeks before the tree was ready to release its gloriously useless bounty upon an unsuspecting yard, certain limbs were already hovering delicately four inches above the ground. Also, it was encroaching on the house.²
The solution: Tear it down.
The implements: Hand saw, ladder, lopper, pruner.
The result:

² Yellow flag, five yard penalty.


August 1, 2009 – The Hatch
The problem: Years of post-rain runoff had covered the hatch floor with lovely-smelling sludge, rotted the base of both the stairs and the door, and often flooded a good portion of the basement.
The solution: Tear it down. Tear it all down.
The implements: Rubber mallet, hammer, pliers, hose, shovel.
The result:

September 6, 2009 – Wooden Wishin’ Well
The problem: Well kept lookin’ at me funny.
The solution: Tear it down. Burn it up.
The implements: Large pokin’ stick, rubber mallet, hammer, crowbar, foot. And fire.
The result: