Forgive me, Father,1 for I have sinned. It has been five weeks since my last post.
I can cite various reasons for this lapse — laziness, extra quality time with The Professor, blogs are soooo 2011 — but the main one is this: I haven't come up with anything worth sharing.
But Nate, you might say (because you're prone to talking out loud to blogs), you still haven't come up with anything worth sharing, yet here you are screaming into the void for all the denizens of the interwebs to hear. To which I say: I'm not screaming. You can tell I'm not because I have yet to use one exclamation point or put any words in all caps.2 Also, this is written, so if net denizens are hearing it, they should probably start taking their meds again.
So why, you may ask (because you're still under the delusion you're talking to me), am I blogging now if I have nothing to say? You'd just as well ask why the sky is blue or why babies are cute. Because no matter what your question is, I'm not going to answer it. If I did, it'd mean I actually had something to say, which would mean I'd be contradicting myself. And I may be a lot of things — overburdened web designer, light-hearted rogue, the hero that Gotham needs right now — but I am no hypocrite.
You may be asking yourself (because you've given up on me, but haven't yet shed the habit of talking out loud), what does this mean for my blog? Will all my new posts be this void of substance? Well, if you look at my archives, you can see that, yeah, they will be. That's pretty much how I roll.3
Welcome to the Wheel: All flash, no substance.
Oh, and I lied about the flash.
1 ...of the Internet, Al Gore.
2 Okay, technically the word "I" is in all caps, and I've used it repeatedly, but that's being rather literal, isn't it? Who do you think you are, me? I hope not. If everyone starts thinking they're me, I'll be beside myself. (Belated bad pun alert.)
3 Okay, technically I roll by tucking my knees into my chest and going ass over teakettle, but that's being rather literal, isn't it? (Except for the part about the teakettle. That's metaphor, or some such nonsense.)
You certainly don't want to be a hypocrite and provide real content now!
ReplyDeleteOf course not. If it ain't broken, don't fix it. And I have a formula -- two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen -- and everyone just drinks it up.
DeleteDon't be so hard on yourself! I've gone three months without blogging, a sharp decline from the five posts a week, 52 weeks a year output I'd been pouring out. Life can definitely get in the way of things!
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm not being hard on myself. The whole post is tongue-in-cheek. Or possibly tongue-in-mouth. I am completely at peace with my lack of blogging (and revel in my lack of substance).
DeleteI checked with Al, and all is forgiven.
ReplyDeleteHowever, that crack about blue sky will require some penance!
Tell Al I'm sorry about the "blue sky" thing and will do my best to promote smog and other pollution so we can get the sky to its proper hazy yellow.
DeleteI think you used the word "technically" one too many times. Therefore you have said something. So it is written...so it shall be. Amen.
ReplyDeleteChuck at Apocalypse Now
Technically, that's just your opinion, man. So until it is ratified as law by the appropriate internet authorities (i.e. the council of Lolcats) I will continue to refute this claim. I ain't said shit.
Delete