I'm Full of It

Wherein it = thank. I am full of thank.

Yes, the next four years are going to be scary. When a man who believes in gay conversion therapy is considered the sane one in the bunch, we've got problems. But as worried as I am about the coming Trumpocalypse, more than anything else I am thankful.

For what am I thankful? I'm glad I'm pretending you asked.

• Everyone who voted for those turkeys, because without them we wouldn't yet know just how broken our country is, and now we can work to fix it.
   
  
• My son, because to him I'm the funniest person in the world.
   
  
• Improv, because sometimes a guy just needs to pretend he's plankton for a while, or to sing of the many benefits of a lost toe.¹
   
  
• Friends and family, because alliteration? Awesome.
   
  
• Those times when you think you're out of cheese but it turns out you still have some cheese left, because mmm cheese.
   
  
• Cats and kittens, because they make absolutely fantastic hand warmers during the cold winter months.
   
  
• Cold winter months, because of what I already said about cats and kittens. Do I have to draw you a diagram?
   
  
• Epiphany moments, because, I mean, c'mon.
   
  
• And of course, my lovely wife Denise, because even after all this time, her taste in husbands has not improved one bit.

Happy Turkey Day, everyone!


¹ You save money on nail polish, for instance. And pedicures. Toe stubbings drop 10%. Plus, now your foot will fit into that dashing prince's glass slipper.