On the one hand, it is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which is always a blast. But on the other hook, a year ago it coincided with Rosh Hashanah, which meant I got to explain how to talk like a Jewish pirate. In comparison, today kind of feels like a letdown.
It doesn't have to be, though. We can liven things up a bit by adding some variety to the proceedings. After all, there are many types of pirates out there.
Let me show you what I mean:
|Type of Pirate||Quote|
|Traditional:||"Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Shape up, or I'll cast ye into the briny depths!"|
|Music:||"If you don't burn me a copy of the new Skurvy Doggs album, I'll shove you back in Davy Jones' locker!"|
|Pittsburgh:||"You dogs stunk it up out there tonight! Hit the showers, get outta my sight!"|
|Software:||"Jeez, the quality's so bad you can barely tell the dog has scurvy! The picture's so washed out!"|
|Somali (translated):||"Quit trying to kill us like dogs! Either pay the ransom, or we'll send more hostages to a watery grave!"|
|Radio:||"This'll stop those scurvy dogs in their tracks! More music the establishment doesn't want you to hear. First up: Under the Sea."|
|Of the Caribbean:||"That scurvy dog's in no shape to sail. I 'spect he's drownin' his sorrows in a bottle o' rum."|
|Of Penzance:||"So what if you're the model of a modern Major-General? |
Stop singing or I'll throw you from this very boat quite literal.
We'll tie you to an anchor and then boot you off the plank, we will.
And to the ocean floor you'll sink, where you'll be food for mackerel."
That's but a few examples, but I think you've got the idea. Just because everyone will be talking like a pirate today, it doesn't mean you all have to talk like the same one.
So, go. Set a course for awesomeness. And let's break away from the stereotype.
Although, feel free to imagine everyone with an eye patch, and a parrot on their shoulder.