Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Carols for the Zombie Apocalypse

Just in time for the holidays — and the imminent zombie threat — we have a brand new album for you, from Flaming Wheel Records.

Complete with 48 of the world's most popular apocalyptic seasonal hits, this 4-CD box set has updated versions of all your old favorites, including...

Oh, the devils outside are frightful,
But on fire, they're so delightful.
And since we've no place to go,
Let 'em groan! Let 'em groan! Let 'em groan!
(listen to mp3 preview)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Chester roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping off your nose.
You'll find Carol being sucked by Claire,
And folks in pies of Eskimo.
(listen to mp3 preview)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Silent night, holy Christ!
Here they come! This ain't right!
Round yon corner, mother and child
Shamble toward us bloody and wild.
Death would be a relief.
Death would be a relief.
(listen to mp3 preview)

Of course no doomsday collection would be complete without these beloved numbers:

Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Blast the head off that damn thing!"
Please unearth us some more food.
God! us sinners are all screwed.
(listen to mp3 preview)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

I'm dreaming of a red Christmas,
Unlike the ones we used to know.
Where bodies glisten,
And we all listen,
For sounds of movement down below.
(listen to mp3 preview)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Have yourself a very brittle Christmas
As your limbs decay.
From now on,
Your arms will both be miles away.
(listen to mp3 preview)

And who can forget these timeless classics?

Come and hold me, pa rum pa pum pum.
An awful thing to see, pa rum pa pum pum.
Our finest are dying, pa rum pa pum pum.
Then re-animating, pa rum pa pum pum,
Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum.
(listen to mp3 preview)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five cold dead things!
Four mauling hordes,
Three strange men,
Two useless guns,
And a car for which I have no key.
(listen to mp3 preview)

And many more!

Face down the zombie hordes with a song! For only 24 monthly installments of $9.99,* you can own A Zombie Christmas, the greatest compilation of zombie carols ever made.

Place your order in the next fifteen minutes, and we'll throw in the album Purim of the Vampires, a $42 value, absolutely free!

Order yours today! Operators are standing by.

* Plus $19.95 for shivving and man-handling.


  1. You voice is as smooth as that of a Norwegian yak!

  2. A brain in the hand is worth two in the ... nom, nom, nom #zombieproverbs

  3. There's a zombie apocalypse? I thought it was just a really bad flu going around.

    The brain eating was unusual, I admit.

  4. "death would be a relief" is hands down the best lyric

  5. Why thank you, Chris! I never get tired of hearing that.

    Matt, beauty is in the eye of the brainholder. #morezombieproverbs

    Bryan, you think brain eating is odd? Well, maybe in Canada...

    Thanks, Falen, that is a pretty good lyric. Of course, I'm kind of partial to Chester roasting on an open fire. (By the way, I'm no longer talking about lyrics.)

  6. Truly, gristlylicious. Just in time for the holidays. You have a marvelous way with words, my dear. Death would be a relief? Perfection. So in keeping with the holiday spirit...well done ;)

  7. Why thank you, Carol! Of course, as gristlylicious proves, you're not too bad with words yourself. Enjoy the holidays!

  8. Where can I go to place an order for this? Oh, and by the way, Nate, I gave your blog a shout-out today over on my blog. Happy Holidays!

  9. Oh, I'm sorry, Jeffrey, you were too late this year. The discs went like hotcakes. Unfortunately, they were also eaten like hotcakes, so no one actually spent the holidays listening to me and my dulcet tones.

    Anyway, thanks for the shout-out! I may have taken a week and a half to acknowledge it here, but I was much more timely on your blog... which you already know... so I guess this comment is for everyone else's benefit. Yeah, that's it.