- What is the proper response for someone upon first seeing I have a new blog post?
- "Excellent! Some Nately humor is exactly what I need today. Make me laugh, you crazy monkey."
- "I'll click, but there'd better be some pictures and stories of his son." [clicks on link] [scans post] "Great. That's ten seconds of my life I'm never getting back."
- "Wait — people still have blogs?! That is so 2011. Get out of the stone age, you troglodyte!"
- [keeps scrolling through feed, looking for cat videos]
- This is my first blog post in three months. Why haven't I blogged at all during this time?
- I've been lazy. I mean busy. Or in a coma. Yeah, that's it: a coma.
- I haven't had anything interesting to say. Sure, that never stopped me before, and it's not stopping me from writing this post, but... um... I had a point. No matter, it's obvious this is the correct answer.
- I've been working on a top secret project for the U.S. government. I can't share the exact nature of my work, but I will say it involves weapons-grade plutonium and ten dozen free-range chickens.
- Other: ____________ (insert answer in the comments)
- After this extended hiatus — the longest I've ever taken — why did I choose to return to blogging?
- Blogging is fun! Wheeeeeee!
- I figured I should alert people to that fact that I still have a blog, seeing as how I'm going to announce a new haiku contest next week.
- Revenge. Revenge on whom, you ask? Oh, you'll find out soon enough. Yes you will. Mwahahahahaha!
- I could no longer stand idly by while the world suffered through such a horrifying shortage of footnotes.1
0-3: You sicken me.
4-12: You were just guessing, weren't you? Admit it.
13: You win!2
14-18: Ooh, you overshot the mark. Stop trying so hard.
19+: Damn overachiever.
1 And with this meager offering, the Great Footnote Famine of 2015 officially comes to an end. #NeverForget
2 What do you win? This magnificent footnote! (To place it in your trophy case, simply chisel it out of your screen.)