Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Haiku Contest: Heroes & Villains!

*** The contest has ended. Check out the winners! ***

Up on the blog: It's a beard! It's a plane! It's my 6th annual haiku contest!
We've previously honored ninja, pirates, robots, space, and the ocean. But now it's time for our haiku to honor those who have done so much for (or against) us: heroes and villains.

It's not difficult.
You know what syllables are?
Just use seventeen.

Simply follow standard haiku structure (5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again) and make it have something to do with heroes and/or villains. However you interpret the theme is entirely up to you.

To enter, write your haiku in the comments section below. Two or three lucky winners will receive $25 million in unmarked bills $25 Amazon gift cards.

I will be selecting the best haiku in each of two categories:
  • Humorous/Creative
  • Traditional (i.e. eloquent, evocative, etc.)
In addition, I may also reward a third entry. Or I may not. Because I am maniacal, and like to keep you guessing.

The deadline to submit a haiku is this Thurssday, May 7 at 5:00pm (Eastern Time). Official "rules" are below.

Official "Rules":
  1. To enter, post hero- and/or villain-themed haiku in the comments section below. Multiple submissions are allowed, but if you submit more than five (5) entries, you'll have introduced too many characters and won't be able to protect all of them. The newest additions will slashed mercilessly.
  2. Standard haiku rules apply. To qualify, each entry must be a three-line poem, the first line containing exactly 5 syllables, the second line 7 syllables, and the third line 5 syllables. If you miscount and fall short, your poem will enter battle vastly outnumbered and will not survive. If you run long, I'll start cutting before you finish. (In other words, don't start monologuing.)
  3. The contest is open until Thursday, May 7, 2014 at 5:00pm, Eastern Time. If an entry arrives after the deadline, it'll make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. HAIKU SMASH!
  4. Entries must be in English. (i.e. Using Japanese kanji will not help you win for best traditional haiku.) If I can't understand your entry, it proves you're a creature of unknown origin hell-bent on world domination. I'll give the prize money to others, so they can finance our planet's defenses against you.
  5. Anonymous entries will not win. Heroes have alter egos, so if you provide no name it means you're a villain, and I can't trust anything you say. You won't poison me with your lies. And you will never win.
  6. Prizes will be awarded in each of two (2) categories: Humorous/Creative and Traditional. A third prize may be awarded if the mood (or a muscle-bound guy in tights) strikes me.
    • First place winners will each receive a $25 Amazon gift card.
    • An indeterminate number of Honorable Mentions will receive both mention and honor. Not necessarily in that order.
  7. I will act as sole judge, and select the winning haiku based on the aforementioned criteria, as well as other criteria I make up as I go along. All decisions are final, and will not be changed under any circumstances. Unless you can give me some sort of superpower. Then I'm totally changing my mind.


  1. Villians make Heros.
    Psychopathic Villians spawn ...
    bland Super Heros.

  2. Replies
    1. Alex, this is the third straight year you've commented without writing a haiku. I contend you don't need to be a poet to write haiku. Thus, I issue you a challenge: Leave your comfort zone and submit one.

  3. Man, okay, i'm going to try really hard to submit one again this year. It will all depend on if i get my copy edits done early (they are also due on the 7th)

    1. DO IT. (For reference, "IT" refers to both your copy edits and between 1-5 haiku. Also, a creepy sewer clown in Maine.)

  4. Turkey, ham, and cheese
    Within a cloak of fresh bread --
    My kind of hero.

  5. Firestorm nuclear man
    Red tights and yellow tunic
    His hat is on fire!

  6. Batman likes his tights
    Powder helps to slip them on
    Robin thinks they stink

  7. Wonder Woman plane
    Has Invisible bathroom
    Hard to poop in there

  8. widowed Atticus ...
    defending Tom Robinson
    boo saves jem and scout

  9. Being a hero
    Means having courage to wear
    Underwear outside.

  10. Got six dead parents,
    Slapdash powers, and four names--
    I'm due a reboot.

  11. Evil monologue?
    You wish! Tremble before my
    Evil PowerPoint.

  12. To get through the day
    After little (to no) sleep:
    Mom’s superpower

  13. Batman-The Dark Knight
    Played By Many Great Actors
    But First? Adam West

  14. Mr. Spock Was Dead
    Until He Came Back To Life
    Not Fat Like James Kirk

  15. Superheroes fly.
    Superheroes have power.
    They land on the ground.

    Villains have real bad
    Powers. And they kill people
    A lot. People die.

    Big Hero 6 tries
    to kill a guy in a mask.
    He losed his daughter.

  16. Look! Is it a bird?
    Plane? Superman? No! It's a
    Delivery drone!

  17. Who intends evil?
    No one. Your villain may be
    Somebody's hero.

  18. I have both in me
    Push off the cliff and rescue
    Always wear my mask

  19. Our hero enters.
    Zap! Crack! Wha-bam! Kapow! Bloink!
    The world's safe once more.

    No, it can't be him.
    No way that guy is Superman.
    He's wearing glasses.

    The boy hands them food
    Sandwiches he made himself
    Every single day

    He steps from shadows.
    Assists those in need, and then...
    Returns whence he came.

    When spirits attack--
    Or ghosts--who you gonna call?
    The mystery van.

    Some covet power.
    Others lust after money.
    Me? I crave their screams.

    Masi Oka's show.
    The Verve Pipe's first big album.
    Heroes and Villains.

  20. oh darn i missed it!
    i love when you do these things!
    congrats to winners =)

  21. Way too late, it has been too long since I visited. Damn life and BC for getting in the way, but yay for superheroes, who sometimes wear surgical masks.