"[Nate's] voice is as smooth as that of a Norwegian yak!"
- Chris Phillips
Just in time for the holidays — and the imminent zombie threat — we bring you a brand new album from Flaming Wheel Records.
Complete with 48 of the world's most popular apocalyptic seasonal hits, this 4-CD box set has updated versions of all your old favorites, including...
| Silent night, holy Christ! Here they come! This ain't right! Round yon corner, mother and child Shamble toward us bloody and wild. Death would be a relief. Death would be a relief. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | |
| Oh, the devils outside are frightful, But on fire, they're so delightful. And since we've no place to go, Let 'em groan! Let 'em groan! Let 'em groan! | (listen to mp3 preview) |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | |
| Chester roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping off your nose. You'll find Carol being sucked by Claire, And folks in pies of Eskimo. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
Of course no doomsday collection would be complete without these beloved numbers:
| Hark! the herald angels sing, "Blast the head off that damn thing!" Please unearth us some more food. God! us sinners are all screwed. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | |
| I'm dreaming of a red Christmas, Unlike the ones we used to know. Where bodies glisten, And we all listen, For sounds of movement down below. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | |
| Have yourself a very brittle Christmas As your limbs decay. From now on, Your arms will both be miles away. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
And who can forget these timeless classics?
| Come and hold me, pa rum pa pum pum. An awful thing to see, pa rum pa pum pum. Our finest are dying, pa rum pa pum pum. Then re-animating, pa rum pa pum pum, Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | |
| On the fifth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me: Five cold dead things! Four mauling hordes, Three strange men, Two useless guns, And a car for which I have no key. | (listen to mp3 preview) |
And many more!
This Christmas, face down the undead hordes with a song. (Tip: Also keep a shotgun handy.) For only 4 installments of $9.99,* you can own A Zombie Named Carol, the greatest compilation of zombie carols ever made.
Place your order in the next fifteen minutes, and we'll throw in the album Purim of the Vampires, a $42 value, absolutely free!
Order yours today! Operators are standing by.
* Plus $19.95 for shivving and man-handling.
Those are hilarious!!
ReplyDelete$19.95 for shivving and man-handling? Isn't that a bit excessive? Any chance I could Baptist you down on that?
ReplyDeleteAlex, thanks! So, how many box sets can I put you down for?
ReplyDeleteAnthony, well, I'm a Jew, so I'm all about haggling. Tell you what, if you can get me a Red Ryder BB Gun, we'll call it even.
You are so funny! Those are some pretty ripping carols! :)
ReplyDeleteMy boys will love those.
Heather, ha! I get it. Ripping! Stay safe this holidays season. May any brainless hordes you encounter just be teens at the mall.
ReplyDeleteCan I just get that man-handling you mentioned in tiny print (as if you could hide that from me)??? And is said man-handler cute? Maybe I should have asked that first...
ReplyDeleteSure, Angela, you can get just the man-handling. I'm all about customer satisfaction. And this is a family business, so of course the man-handler is cute. He's only five-and-a-half months old.
ReplyDelete