Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, September 5, 2016

The Best of the Best

In 1st grade, my best friend was a kid named Dave. Halfway through the year, his family moved to another town. I visited once, and never saw him again.

In 3rd grade, my best friend was a kid named Matt. Halfway through the year, his family moved to another town. I visited once, and never saw him again.

After that, I gave up on having a best friend.

Eventually I ventured into adulthood, where best friends weren't as big a deal, probably because of Facebook. I had close friends, good friends, high school & college friends, and volleyball friends, but I stuck to the decision I made when I was 8. No besties.1

And then I met Denise. I've never called her my best friend. Honestly, I've never really considered her to be my best friend, because my brain had wiped the very concept from my perception decades earlier, but yeah, that's what she is.

There are plenty of people who love to tell the world "I married my best friend," but I've never cared much for that sentiment. It's too sappy for my taste. Maybe I'm still jaded from my youth, or maybe I simply don't like sap.2

Nevertheless, today being what it is, I'm going to go ahead and say it. Six years ago today, I married my—no, no, I can't do it. Too damned sappy. Need to boil it down.

Six years ago today, I married the love of my life.

And they lived happily ever after.

There, much better. Sap free, and with a fairy tale ending.

But wait: There's more! For the low, low price of reading the last two footnotes, you can also learn more about my former best friends Matt3 and Dave.4

1 Also, no Super Friends. Marketing teams in the 70s sure made some odd name choices.
2 Not till it's been boiled down into sweet, sweet syrup. Before that, it's just a bitter, sticky residue I can't wash off easily and makes me feel unclean.
3 I never saw Matt again, but 20 years later my dad saw him semi-regularly. Same Masonic lodge.
4 I never saw Dave again, but 20 years later Denise saw him semi-regularly. She dated his older brother.


  1. What are the odds your wife would date Dave's brother?
    Congratulations on six years, Nate.
    My wife and I aren't sappy either, but we do admit we married our best friend.

    1. The odds were pretty high. My wife didn't even move to the state until her mid-20s.

      And to clarify, I'm not trying to disparage anyone else for saying that. We all have different tastes, and for that matter, different definitions of sap.

  2. My wife always insists I'm not her best friend either. I'm in a different category. I don't do the Facebook pronouncements, so I don't have to address that issue.

    Also, I'm totally with you on the childhood friends thing! I'm still staggered by the loss of my first-grade best friend after a new girl at school told her "you can't be friends with him and with me." It's your first day! How did you come to this conclusion?! And who the hell says, "Okay" to that kind of ultimatum? First graders, that's who.

    1. Wow, that is harsh. It's no wonder that wound has yet to heal. First graders are horrible, horrible people.

      I'll have to see if my son can repeat kindergarten next year, then skip ahead to second grade. You know, just to be safe.