Fortune Favors the Cold (Sesame Noodles)

Whenever I eat Chinese food, I want a happy ending.

The beginning is guaranteed to be good, since I always have wonton soup. But the end is... unpredictable.

The cookie itself matters not. It's all about the fortune inside. But I don't want trite, pithy sayings. I want something memorable. Something like:

I got that one my senior year of college, and it started my collection. And though most of the fortunes I've come across over the years have been dull, soulless things, I've occasionally struck gold. Here's a sampling, haphazardly arranged into groups:

Um... What?

• Do what is right, not what you should.
• Now go to it! It's ready to be pick.

Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun

• We are very happy together.
• There is a true and sincere friendship between you both.

The Future Is Bright

• You will be advanced socially, without any special effort.
• You will be fortunate in everything

Nope, Not at All Creepy

• Someone will visit you soon.

Finally, Some Sage Advice

• Keep your goals away from the trolls.
• Teamwork makes the dream work.
• Eat your vegetable and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye.
• You can depend on the trust of the collective.
• Simplicity and clarity should be the theme in your dress.
• Make big plans.
• You are a perfectionist. Don't spoil it.
• When in doubt, mumble.

Now You Tell Me

• Warning: Do not eat your fortune

Time to Drop Some Knowledge

• You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment.
• It is a great piece of skill to know how to guide your luck. Even while waiting for it.
• The only rose without a thorn is friendship.

Okay, Stop Dropping the Knowledge. It Clearly Has a Head Injury.

• For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.
• If absolute can be defined, then absolute is not absolute anymore.
• Your sweetheart may be too beautiful for words but not for arguments.
• Many people who have power become a deaf mute.

Wow, This One's Actually True

• Your spouse's bills are yours and yours are yours.

These Are Also True... and Almost Clever. Almost.

• What is to give light must endure the burning.
• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
• The man on the top of the mountain did not fall there.

But This One? It's the Truest of Them All

• Great! You're ready for a party.