Once upon a time,1 there was2 a blogger3 who had been neglecting his readers.4 In a misguided attempt5 to appease them, he decided to jam-pack6 an entire month's supply of footnotes7 into a single post8 in order to stave off possible wheelfiritis.9 There were no known survivors.10
1 Wow, did I really open with such a cliché? I might as well be starting a movie preview with "In a world where...", beginning a joke with "A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar..." or walking into a bar and saying "So, do you come here often?" This lack of originality doesn't bode well for the rest of the post.
2 Well, at least it's not "in a land far, far away," but "there was" connotes telling rather than showing, and as a writer it's usually better to do the latter. I mean, which do you prefer: "Joe was tall" or "Joe smacked his forehead on the door frame as he followed me in. 'Fuck!' he said. 'That's the third time this week.'" The second one, right? Of course. People adore violence and profanity.
3 I'm not naming names; I ain't no rat. According to the horoscope, I'm a lion. According to the Chinese horoscope, I'm a horse. According to the Chinese fluoroscope, I'm a pig, and should lower my cholesterol.
4 All of whom are svelte, alarmingly intelligent people, with the exception of Francois T. Parfait of Austin, TX, who is, in fact, a monkey.
5 The only kind of attempt I ever attempt.
6 Twice as effective as jamming or packing. Three times as effective as pam-jacking.
7 I get them wholesale. The quality sometimes suffers, but I Kant campaign aboot the Pryce.
8 Single post with offbeat sense of humor seeks same. Enjoys reading, surfing, and traveling to other countries in the blink of an eye. Allergic to cookies and LOLCats.
9 Previously known as acute footnote withdrawal. Additional symptoms include: pink eye, yellow fever, blue blood, purple heart, brown coat, white knuckles, red balloons, and green clover.
10 Although the dead are now risin' up, back on the street.