Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Zip, Zilch, Zero.

With that title, you may think I'm referring to how many letters we have left in the A to Z Challenge, but no, that's not it. With all those Z's, I'm talking about sleep.

Because come July, I won't be getting any of it.

At least, that's what everyone says to expect for the first few months of parenthood. And Denise and I are expecting.1

To answer the most common questions I get whenever I mention the coming of Baby von Wilson:
  • Yes, she's doing fine.
  • Late June.
  • A boy.
  • The Battle of Bunker Hill.
Although we're still narrowing down names,2 throughout the pregnancy our son's gotten a new one almost every week, corresponding to whatever the books compared him to size-wise. He started as an Olive.3 At plum, he became the Professor. He was Jack as a lemon and James as a giant peach. He's been (orange) Julius, Harry (lime), and a small Fry. Currently the size of a head of lettuce, our boy now answers to Kale.

In about two months, I'll be a dad for the first time, and I won't be getting a lick of sleep.

And I can't wait.

Thus concludes my meager contribution to the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge brought to you by Arlee Bird, Jeffrey Beesler, Alex J. Cavanaugh, Jen Daiker, Candace Ganger, Karen Gowen, Talli Roland, and Stephen Tremp. It's been fun, guys, but now that this crazy month is over, I'm going to try to catch some Z's while I still can.4

1 By the way, nowhere in the book What to Expect When You're Expecting does it say anything about the Spanish Inquisition. Typical.
2 We're almost down to double digits!
3 This was before he flashed us during the ultrasound.
4 And I'm an American, so that's Zees. Every other country might pronounce it the traditional way, but as the immortal Butch Coolidge said in Pulp Fiction, "Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead."


  1. Yippeee! We did it! Congratulations! I have an award for you!!

  2. Congratulations !!!!!
    Its not as bad as everyone makes out... Remember "Breast is best" cos then as a dad you don't have to wander round in the night like a zombie, looking for and making bottles of milk !!!!


  3. The Battle of Bunker Hill, huh? Interesting.

    Congratulations to you and your wife. Definitely store up on the sleep while you can...

  4. Sleep is overrated. And mine was sleeping from midnight till 6AM by 3 months, so don't believe the horror stories - you might just luck out. Congrats, and good luck. (Wondering what name might go with watermelon.)

  5. Congratulations, both finishing the challenge and also for you and your wife. I wish you all the best - it must be such an exciting time! :)

  6. Oh, congratulations! What fun naming the babe after his size comparison. You'll be a great dad!!! How soon before you teach him to play Scrabble?

  7. I like all the names your son has gone through. Congrats!

  8. Oh, don't worry. You'll probably be able to get plenty of rest. Josh peacefully sleeps through almost all of Solomon's night-wailing.

    But be prepared for a very cranky Denise.

  9. Congrats, congrats, congrats! I just became a Nena in February and my fae baby is awesome.

    Sorry I didn't find your blog 'til the last day.

  10. Congrats! We had four wonderful girls. Great progression of names.

    Gregg Metcalf
    Colossians 1:28-29

    Gospel-driven Disciples

  11. Elizabeth: Thanks for the award! I never thought I'd be so happy to make it through the alphabet...

    RJR: I may not have to wander round in the night like a zombie, but that's never stopped me before. Thanks!

    M.J.: I'm a little worried, though. If I get more sleep now than usual, won't I feel even more tired come July, by comparison?

    li: Oh, I never believe anything until I experience it for myself, but 6 hours at 3 months would certainly be nice. And hmm... that is a tough one... Mel?

    Liz: Well, it's not too exciting just yet. Give me a couple months. :)

    Mary: Well, the manual says Scrabble is for ages 8+, so we'll start him at 8 weeks.

    Holly: Thanks! And I think we have a couple more to go through before we get to the one that sticks.

    Naomi: And if that doesn't work, I'll ask maintenance at work to install a business hammock.

    Wanton: Thank you, thank you, thank you! And no worries; even if you don't feel like delving into the archives, I do plan on continuing to blog after today, so there'll be plenty of time for you to be scared off by my peculiar brand of craziness.

    Gregg: Thanks! I think we did that as much out of indecisiveness as creativity. Friends and relatives have stuck with things like Lemony, Sprout, and Tadpole their whole pregnancy, but perhaps we just have trouble making up our minds.

  12. Just found you, congratulations on completing the challenge. Whew, time for a breather. Make the most of your sleep before it becomes a vague memory. Sue@JumpingAground (Alliteration & drabbles)
    Sue@traverselife(Workplace bullying)

  13. Hey I'm new here, but congrats on the baby! ANd you're right, you won't get any sleep for a few months. But the good news is, it's all worth it!

    Nice to meet you. :)

  14. Big, huge congrats! So very exciting. Kids make life even more exciting and worth living. You'll make a fantastic dad with your witty humor.
    If you don't get enough sleep at night, you can always snooze with him during nap time. :) Babies are so amazing, you won't mind!!

  15. congratulations, daddy. Don't lose any sleep over the not sleeping thing, just keep your face washed and hair brushed...that will make sense to you sometime around the middle of July, trust me. And invest in a hot water bottle to put into the crib while baby is having his midnight/4 am meals. Then when junior goes back into the crib it is nice and warm...again, trust me, this will make sense sometime in the middle of July...
    You never realize all the things you don't know until you have children...mostly because, once they learn to talk, they will keep telling you--complete with eye rolls--and just how much you can do with a trickle of baby spit-up on your shoulder that someone points out to you about 3/4's of the way through your day at the office...
    Welcome to the wild ride, Nate...


  16. sue: A short breather might be nice, but it won't be long before Baby von Wilson consumes all of my time. Thus, instead of a breather, I'll keep going at the same pace and see if I can channel those energies into my novel.

    Pk: I don't mind at all trading sleep for a healthy baby boy who loves me unconditionally (because he doesn't know any better yet). And it's nice to meet you, too.

    Heather: Thanks! And phew! I thought I'd have to do all this other stuff, too; it's great to hear that all I'll need is my wit. :)

    moe: Ooh, hadn't heard of the hot water bottle trick. Thanks for sharing it. And oh, it'll be a wild ride, alright. A kid growing up with me as a father? The world won't know what hit it.

  17. Congrats buddy! I just spent all day at my niece's 2nd birthday party. Kids are the cutest, which is to say, fatherhood is awesome for the first few years, then it gets a little hectic (through my own observations, not experiences).

    And I already expect that your little one will commit to memory your version of A-Z's before the modern English one.

  18. Matt: Thanks! My own observations have shown similar results, but it should be fun. And I don't know about him learning my A-Z's before the standard one, but maybe, if I set it to a catchy melody...