Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Wow, What Wonderfully Wacky Winners!

As I began combing deftly through your entries, it just killed me that none piqued my interest. But, in my view, that's one sexy zither.

As you can see from that example, certain letters can sure throw off the mood of a piece. There were 16 excellent entries in my From A to Z Contest, and 9 people who said they'd come back but never did (just like in a horror film! I hope they're okay...).

For those of you who missed your chance — or have a long-standing feud with the alphabet — fret not. My 2nd Annual Haiku Contest begins this Sunday. So come on back.

Anyway, before I get to the prizes, let me share some of the brilliant writing from this alphabetic contest:
"Anteaters bounced candidly down the elephant's fabled garage..." (Holly Ruggiero)
"Everything fresh and good was hateful." (Marian Allen)
"...ghosts in jackets that liked mango puddings..." (Cheree)
" the ukulele vandalizing..." (Liz P)
"...shivering with antici-(say it!)-pation..." (The Writing Goddess)
First I shall divulge the lesser prizes, the $10 giveaways. I never said what these would entail, so sadly, only a few of the criteria were met. On the one hand I'm disappointed, but on the other, I'm actually quite relieved. After all, it's probably in the world's best interest that no one else's brain works quite like mine.

First Uvula Award -- unclaimed
Most consecutive letters in a row, minimum of 4.
(e.g. Did the king of rap music, Def G, hijack an elm? Nope.)

Kilimanjaro Prize -- Naomi (for abracadabra and menopause)
Most letters in one word, minimum of 4.
(e.g. abdicated, backdated, defrag, fighting Afghani, hijinks, luminous lamination, gymnophobia, squarest, Rustoleum, Stuyvesant)

Codefighting Jackalominions Cup -- unclaimed
Most creative made-up words.

Abacusz Prize -- Cheree (157 characters, including spaces)
Fastest to Z, but without using made-up words or rare names. (I'm talking to you, Gahoolie.) And yes, considering the prize's name, I understand the irony of this restriction.

Mighty Zota Award -- RS Robertson
Doing A to Z backwards. (I said you had to use the alphabet in order, but never said which order.)

Razmatazz Trophy -- unclaimed
Going through A to Z twice in one go (or from A to Z and back to A).

Man From Nantucket Prize -- unclaimed
Best poem, limerick, or haiku. For instance, you could have done something like...
Abe codes fighting jokes.
Lymph nodes piqued, thirst unveils
A waxy zebra.
...and even though it makes practically no sense, you would have taken home four of the lesser prizes, including the coveted...

Waxy Zebra Award -- unclaimed
A completely random prize for entries that end with the phrase "waxy zebra."

Honorable Mentions:
The following people came oh so close, but in the end my utterly biased and fantastically unpredictable brain went a different direction, possibly because I had been playing hide-and-seek in the reactor core again. Nevertheless, I thought the entries by these three deserved both mention and honor (but unfortunately for them, not cash): Cheree, Marian Allen, and Sumira Khan

Grand Prize Winners:
And now I shall unveil the three winners of the $26 gift cards. They were selected using my fool-proof method of reading each entry out loud to my cats, and seeing which ones caused them to bat at me in the most playful manner. That, or I left it up to my brain. Both ways are equally as random. Thus, I present to you the winners, in no particular order...

As Beverly chased delicious dreams of great pleasure, her idea generated jokes and laughter. Mere nonsense, they said. Perhaps, but quit? She refused to abandon her ultimate goal, shivering with antici-(say it!)-pation, wetting her lips as she dialed. “XYZ Pizza? I’d like a medium cheese with double broccoli, please.” (The Writing Goddess)

A bad cat drank everything from grease, human intestinal juice, ketchup, lemonade, mint, nutmeg. Occasionally puked. Queasy, really silly tomcat. Usually very wild. X-rays yearly. Zikes. (baygirl32)

Although blatant canonical deficits exist, figurative genetic hierarchy is instrumental in justifying knee-jerk legitimization by many neo-oppressionistic populists (who will) quite readily spout their unpopular views with xenophobic yammering and outright zealousness. (RS Robertson)

(You can view all the entries here)

Congratulations again to all the winners, and thanks to everyone who entered! I hope to see you all again next week for my 2nd Annual Haiku Contest!

Winners: If you haven't gotten an email from me, and you aren't my sister, send me an email at If you are my sister, you can't claim this prize until after you first claim your Japanese dinner.

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge, hosted by Arlee Bird and seven others. Go check out the other participants!


  1. I am so sulking right now because I didn't win *pouts* Kidding, congrats to the winners :)

  2. man! Everyone is way way more clever than i could've been. Congrats to the winners!

  3. Already picked my books! Thanks Nate and huge congrats to everyone!

  4. Big obnoxious Hollywood mwah! kisses to everyone. I'd like to thank my agent, my parents, my parking valet...

    Seriously, this was a lot of fun. Thanks so much, Nate, for the opportunity to participate, and for making my Amazon wish list a VERY happy girl this a.m. Writing in Flow (aka The Writing Goddess)

  5. Congrats to all the winners! It was a fun contest! Now off to make my selection

  6. I come back to read your blog, but I didn't enter, simply because everything I came up with was...terrible! And I have this funny notion that I shouldn't post trash, just like I would never toss my cnady wrappers in the neighbor's yard. (Well, OK, maybe once in a while.) I subbed some haiku, if it gets rejected I'll be sure and enter it in your contest here. (Cheesy grin.) No, seriously, if I come up with something I think might be good, I'll enter it. And I really love the idea of your reading entries to your cats.

  7. My cat typed the above comment, hence the typos. He never has learned to proofread.

  8. Congratulations winners!

    What very clever, funny awards you've made up.

  9. Congrats to all the winners! This was a really fun contest.

  10. Thanks, everyone, for making this such a fun contest! All the entries were great, which made it especially hard to pick out the grand "grand prize" prize winners. Winners: Spend your spoils wisely... or, conversely, on the stupidest things Amazon has to offer.

    li: See, the difference between you and me is that you have standards. Also, do you have any tips on teaching cats to take dictation? Mine tend to type and click the mouse seemingly at random (though I suspect more nefarious purposes).