Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, May 9, 2011

Pirate Haiku Contest Winners!

Thank you everyone, for making it so bloody difficult to choose the winners. If you haven't done so already, make sure to check out all the entries.

All of the haiku were fantastic, even if my sister Naomi tried to win with stuff pirated off my Talk Like a Jewish Pirate Day post, and her husband Josh submitted an entry pirated from last year's contest. (At least he admitted it.) Sadly, nobody anonymously entered any spectacular ninja limericks this year, but that may have been because the theme this time around was pirates. Still, 'twas a shame. Yar.

Now, I should point out that there is no method to my madness, and thus, my judging of your entries was both extremely subjective and overly erratic. Thus, if your haiku aren't listed below, it's clearly either because I'm not smart enough to appreciate it properly, or because you never wrote the damn thing.

Baygirl32 especially captured the spirit of the contest with her entry:
Arrg arg aaaarg arg aarrgggh
Aaarg hhharr har aarrggh har rrar har
Yo Ho ho HHo Ho
But it fell just short of honorable mention, getting only a regular old mention instead. These, on the other hand, did one better...

Honorable Mentions

Hannah Kincade said she might or might not have pictures of the following event. Pictures might have sealed the deal...
Swinging from the door
She is naked, knife in hand.
"Yargh! Pirate knife fight!"
The Rare Poet's was one of the rare few to incorporate another form of piracy:
a bootlegged copy
of Jack Sparrow's latest flick.
such sweet irony!
This was Mary R's first haiku ever:
Before Blackbeard's Ghost
I ran around on two legs
Now it's just the peg
Naomi, as she likes to do, presented us with idiots:
Incredibly dumb
Pyromaniac Pirates
sink their own vessel
Budd introduced us to pirate Date Night:
A hook on the hand
A patch on the missing eye
And she's the looker
Laura also found inspiration in piratical romance:
Come buxom wenches
Come fondle my wooden leg
And I'll hook ye good
And the ever-entertaining Chris Phillips carved up a few creative entries, including this'n:
Polly won't shut up
Another cracker you say?
You'll be delicious.

First Place - Traditional

Once again, the Traditional prize proved to be the tougher category, with the majority of the entries straying toward the comical. It was a hard fought battle, but in the end, my brain outsmarted itself and selected this entry by Sarah Ahiers (Falen) for the first $25 prize:
Moonlight brushes sea
Waves capped in silver and gold
Treasure for all men

First Place - Humorous / Creative

And the humorous champion is Joelle, who's always looking for new reasons to be pantsless:
Too many buttons
For me hook-hand to manage.
Naked pirate time.

Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks again to everyone who entered!

Falen and Joelle, I've sent you each an Amazon gift card in your email. Please let me know if you haven't received it yet.


  1. Hahahaha I love the idea of pirate date night. I hope someone pursues that. (By writing of course. OTOH, what people do in the privacy of their own homes...)

  2. Congrats to the winners! I loved all the haiku! Thanks for the laughs this morning. :)

  3. No first prize for me
    Maybe next year I will win
    Pirate haiku glee

  4. Mark my words: if I had a hook for a hand, I'd never wear pants again.

  5. Thanks for the Honorable Mention! Congrats to all the winners, I really enjoyed the haikus.

  6. Yay! So exciting! I was quite a bit in love with my serious haiku so now i'm even more happy!
    And now i can't wait for next year's contest!

  7. I would like to present two honorable mentions of my own, written by "anonymous," and submitted, suspiciously, late. Because they were awesome, and the first one even rhymes!

    Tock tick tock tick tock.
    I can't stand the beating of
    That infernal croc!

    Three point one four one
    Five nine two Aaar's per minute.
    (The pirate's pi rate.)

  8. an extremely enjoyable contest! congrats to the winners

  9. li: Pirate date night via sketch comedy would also work. Ooh, perhaps a series of YouTube videos...

    Liz: I do enjoy making people laugh... even when using other people's words.

    Anon: Do come back next year,
    Although there won't be pirates;
    A new theme awaits.

    Joelle: What about footie pajamas? Would those be out, too?

    Budd: Don't thank me; thank yourself for writing an honorable entry. Then, thank me. My ego demands it.

    Falen: Alas, we will have to wait for next year's contest. Damn that "next year" descriptor! (And may you and your serious haiku have a long, loving relationship.)

    Naomi: If you consult the official rules, you'll see that I was the sole judge, so you are not allowed to present honorable mentions. Especially to one with "Arrr" misspelled as "Aaar." I mean, who does that? Clearly, along with poor timing and an unwillingness to give a name, that entrant also knew nothing about pirates. That's three strikes, so s/he's out. (Or, if you go by Chris Phillips' first entry, s/he just won some "booty.")

    Jeffrey: And thanks to you, for coming back multiple times with new entries. (Though you didn't win, I'll have you know your first one just missed the cut.)

    baygirl32: I know I sure enjoyed it, except for that whole decision-making there at the end. That was somewhat frightening. I mean, if I ended up stiffing a real pirate, that could mean curtains for me. Gently wafting curtains.

  10. Great contest, although clearly rigged since the use of the word "booty" did not guaranty me victory. Can next year be about aliens or space? I've got some Uranus jokes I want to try out.

  11. @ li - I for one would like to see Pirate Date Night in pictures. Or perhaps I'll work it into my WIP... hmmm...

    I'm one of those who did not even TRY to enter, but congrats to all the winners and mentions, your work was hilarious fun. Nate, kudos o you for your fantabulous imagination coming up with these contests. Writing in Flow

  12. Yay - thanks for the hons! Yarrrrr!!! I did mightily enjoy playing here :)
    I loved Joelle's too - had me snorting tea that did!

  13. Chris: Alas, for such a guaranty, you'd have needed to mention booty, wench, and kraken. That trifecta would've sealed it.

    And, in case Blogger ever restores the last two comments...

    Beverly: If you do work Pirate Date Night into your WIP, I don't see any way it won't get published. (And yes, PDN as a series of pictures could be fantastic, too.)

    Laura: Snorting tea? In honor of this contest, you should have been snorting grog. But, I suppose, not everyone is a method haikuist like me.