Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Pirate Haiku Contest!

** The contest is now closed. Check out the winners. **

Announcing The Wheel’s 2nd Annual Haiku Contest!

Last year, it was ninja haiku. This year’s theme: Pirates.

It's not difficult:
You just write five syllables,
Then seven, then five.

And you write about pirates. The eye patch-and-parrot types, sure, but also those with illegally obtained music, or any others you might think of. With so many different types of piracy out there, I'm not about to restrict you.

So, write your own pirate haiku in the comments section below. Two lucky winners will receive a treasure chest full of gold doubloons $25 Amazon gift cards.

I will be selecting the best haiku in each of two categories:
  • Humorous/Creative
  • Traditional (i.e. eloquent, evocative, etcetera)
The deadline to submit a haiku is this Saturday, May 7 at 5:00pm (Eastern Time). Please review the official rules below before entering.

Pirate poetry. Let's make it happen, people. Good luck!

Official Rules:
  1. To enter, post pirate-related haiku in the comment section below. Multiple submissions are allowed, but if you submit more than five (5), you may begin to get on my nerves, and I'll get our resident witch doctor to curse you. (Oh, the profanity!)
  2. Standard haiku rules apply. To qualify, each entry must be a three-line poem, the first line containing exactly 5 syllables, the second line 7 syllables, and the third line 5 syllables. If you miscount, I'll know I can't count on you, and both you and your entry will be sent into the briny depths.
  3. The contest is open until Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 5:00pm, Eastern Time. If you try to sneak an entry in after the deadline, you will be caught hiding below deck and stranded on a deserted island. Like your carcass, your entries will be picked apart by scavenging birds. They will no longer have enough syllables, and be disqualified.
  4. Entries must be in English. (i.e. Using Japanese kanji will not help you win for best traditional haiku. If I can't understand you, obviously you're plotting mutiny against me, and I'm not about to let you steal this contest which I've been captaining for years. You will finish in dead last. Because my first mate will slit your throat.)
  5. Anonymous entries will not win. If you try to hide your identity, clearly you're running from something, and I don' t need that sort of trouble. I'll feed you to the sharks. Or to the shrieking eels. Then I'll claim any valuable writing you had on your person as my own.
  6. Prizes will be awarded in each of two categories: Humorous/Creative and Traditional.
    • Two (2) first place winners will each receive a $25 Amazon gift card for which to purchase booty.
    • An indeterminate number of Honorable Mentions will receive bragging rights over everyone who doesn’t win. Also, honor.
  7. I will act as sole judge, and select the winning haiku based on the aforementioned criteria, as well as other criteria I make up as I go along. All decisions are final, and will not be changed under any circumstances unless bribery is involved.


  1. Arrg arg aaaarg arg aarrgggh
    Aaarg hhharr har aarrggh har rrar har
    Yo Ho ho HHo Ho

  2. timbers shivering
    flagon of rum at me hand
    where be me damn ship?

  3. I think I might try this, but my brain is mush right now. I'm mentioning your blog on my blog tomorrow as one that I learned a thing or two from. (great grammar, I know). I've enjoyed your blog and plan to keep coming back. Maybe next time I'll bring a lasagna. That is, if Zach hasn't eaten it all.

  4. Treasure hunt failure,
    Enemy pirates board ship,
    Blackbeard walks the plank.

  5. Too many buttons
    For me hook-hand to manage.
    Naked pirate time.

  6. "Pieces of eight," is
    All me parrot sez. I ask,
    "Pieces of eight WHAT?"

    Marian Allen
    Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

  7. Swinging from the door
    She is naked, knife in hand.
    "Yargh! Pirate knife fight!"

    I may or may not have pictures.

  8. Depp is Jack Sparrow
    Actor paid, Hollywood loot
    Disney makes sequel.

  9. Drank your rum. You say,
    "Walk the plank!" Joke's on you, though;
    I'm too drunk to walk.

  10. OK here are my two entries!


    Monlight brushes sea
    Waves capped in silver and gold
    Treasure for all men


    Grog, morning, noon, night
    Drunk, fondle the Captain's wench
    Walk the plank, Matey

  11. traditional:
    Saturday matinee

    Black Beard the pirate
    Mutiny on the bounty
    Memories of Youth

    Davey Jones' Locker

    Fish Swimming everywhere
    Took more than me own fair share
    pushed off of the plank

    Date night

    A hook on the hand
    A patch on the missing eye
    And she's the looker

  12. X Marks the spot, Yar!
    I just found a spot with three
    The "booty" is mine!

    Can you scratch my back?
    This Hooks' so inconvenient.
    and scurvy still chafes.

  13. Polly won't shut up
    Another cracker you say?
    You'll be delicious.

  14. the far horizon
    comrades too drunk to demand
    for rape and plunder

  15. Before Blackbeard's Ghost
    I ran around on two legs
    Now it's just the peg

  16. It’s sad to be a
    below average pirate
    cooked and ate Polly

  17. They laughed hard at my
    fake wooden leg and my big
    fake plastic Polly.

  18. Come buxom wenches
    Come fondle my wooden leg
    And I'll hook ye good

  19. A seasick pirate
    Makes for a silly captain
    Would prefer real one!

  20. I lost my left leg
    Then I found a treasure chest
    and bought a new one

    I once knew a man
    with a wooden leg named Smith.
    The other's named Bob

    Dread Pirate Roberts
    will never take prisoners
    because he’s lazy

    Incredibly dumb
    Pyromaniac Pirates
    sink their own vessel

    True swashbagelers
    navigate the briny depths
    of gefilte fish

  21. I have pirated
    a winning ninja entry
    from last year’s contest

    Ninja and Pirate
    Meet in a moldy dungeon.
    Their love: forbidden

  22. a bootlegged copy
    of Jack Sparrow's latest flick.
    such sweet irony!

  23. Tock tick tock tick tock.
    I can't stand the beating of
    That infernal croc!

    Three point one four one
    Five nine two Aaar's per minute.
    (The pirate's pi rate.)

    For a full five years,
    Bonds, Bonilla, and Van Slyke:
    The most feared Pirates.

    Psst! Hey, kid! Yeah, you!
    Do you want Thor on Blu-Ray?
    For five bucks its yours.

    With me one good eye,
    The nearest island winks out
    'Neath the setting sun.

  24. Late entry: (May 3, 2012)

    Pirates are so cool!
    Haikus can't do them justice.
    Gift cards are so lame.