Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, September 19, 2011

Into International Waters

Rejoice, ye filthy bilge rats! For today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

In past years, I’ve explained how to talk like a Jewish pirate and taught you how to speak like other traditional pirates (e.g. Pittsburgh, software, of Penzance). But I now realize I’ve been neglecting a large part of the day: the part where it's International.

Sure, I’ve previously included Somali and Caribbean pirates, but that barely gets us started. So here’s a guide on how to talk like some truly international pirates (with stereotypes fully in force):

Type of PirateSample Phrase(s)
French- Le arrrrrr.
- Hand over yer—oh, you want our ship? Okay, it’s yours.
CanadianArrrrrr, eh?
SwedishFeerst you get a sceeervy sceeervy dog, then add de bork bork bork.
ItalianI’m-a gonna make-a you walk-a da plank-a.
MexicanBarges? We don’t need no stinkin’ barges!
SwissI’m gonna cut you. Then snip you. Then file you, tweeze you, saw you, and corkscrew you. (And then I’ll clock you.)
GermanNein, nein, nein! Not pirate! Ich bin ein longshoreman.
BritishPardon me, but would you mind terribly handing over your ship and jumping into the ocean? Jolly good!
Space- These are not the booty you are looking for.
- You can’t take the sky from me. Try, and none in the ‘verse will ever see your gorram face again. We shiny?
TransylvanianI vant to sink your boat.
AustralianG’day, matey. Shove off, or we’ll throw you little shrimps on the barbie.
ChineseI pirate. I fry prane.1
New YorkYo, ho! I’m walkin’ the plank over here!
MordorSmee(gle)! Kill those lost boys!
RussianWe’ll show these capitalist pigdogs. We’ll make ‘em bleed Red!
Danish- To sea, or not to sea—that is the question:
Whether ‘tis horribler in the mind to suffer
And sling arrows for outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of lubbers,
And by opposing end them?
- Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Just take stuff.

And that ends our lesson for today. May this knowledge serve you well, no matter where in the world your piracy leads you.

1 Like I said: fully in force. But before you get mad at me, remember... me love you long time.


  1. I've always wanted to be a Canadian pirate. Thank you, sir, for making all my dreams come true.

  2. Okay, just for the record, I have always thought that 'Talk Like a Pirate' day is really lame, but now I'm second-guessing my stance! If not for TLAP day, you wouldn't have come up with that list and I wouldn't be grinning ear to ear! :) :)

  3. Dude, I'm not sure I can trust you with my bork bork bork anymore. I might have to make ye walk the plank fer that!

  4. Bloody 'ell...I been talkin' in Britsh accent all bleedin' day!

  5. Zade, I'm glad I could show you how to go aboot it the right way.

    Bridget, that's quite a wide grin... are you sure you didn't run afoul of a pirate and his knife?

    Jeffrey, for the last time, it's no longer your bork bork bork. You gave up your claim to it once you buried it in a chest on that deserted isle.

    Chuck, blimey! You say that like it's a bad thing. Just taking on that accent can make a world of difference. For instance, in Britain you can say, "I fancy a fag," and you still remain butch.

  6. Ahhh Scurvy...I seemed to have missed the boat.

  7. Well played, Heather. Well played. And don't worry, there's always next year...

  8. I'm sorry, I must have been traveling with Captain Jack's broken compass. I missed TLAP Day. This post had me smiling and chuckling. Thanks!

  9. Melissa, I'm glad my post did that for you... but of course, your reaction would have been wholly inappropriate on TLAP day itself. Pirates don't smile or chuckle. You can get ready for next year by practicing your sneer and your belly laugh. (Alternatively, you can perfect your Keith Richards drawl.)