Anyway, because I'm lazy everything wouldn't enter the bar at once, I'm going to tackle these one at a time. First up: a sea-monkey, courtesy of Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous. Let us begin.
A sea-monkey walks into a bar...on its sea-legs, I suppose. He sits next to a capuchin, pats his stomach, and says to the bartender, "My tank's empty. Get me a water, on tap."
"Hold on, I'll be with you in an instant."
A can of Mountain Dew sits down on the other side of the sea-monkey and says, "Don't order water in a bar. It tastes like piss." It then tries to grab some pickled eggs off the bar, but they all tumble to the floor.
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" says the sea-monkey.
"My name's Brian, shrimp."
"Well, Brian, I don't like how you drop eggs, insult water."
The bartender comes back over. "Okay, what can I get ya?"
"Not you. I'll take your orders in the order you sat down: monkey, sea-monkey, Dew.
Well, that's it for day one. Next time you get a priest, a rabbi, and a hooker. (Oh, and by the way, if you haven't made a suggestion yet, the request lines are still open...)
1 For the purposes of this series, the character of Tuberculosis will be played by Tommy "Two-Toed" Tuberculosis.