Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Now Entering Bar Harbor

When I asked for suggestions on what to bring to the bar scene, I thought you'd lob some softballs my way, items with plenty of potential for puns. Instead, you hit me with things like sea-monkeys and tuberculosis. Oh sure, I've got tons of material for those. And hey, Joelle? Tuberculosis has no physicality. How can it walk into a bar? (Eh, I'll make it work.)1

Anyway, because I'm lazy everything wouldn't enter the bar at once, I'm going to tackle these one at a time. First up: a sea-monkey, courtesy of Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous. Let us begin.
A sea-monkey walks into a bar...on its sea-legs, I suppose. He sits next to a capuchin, pats his stomach, and says to the bartender, "My tank's empty. Get me a water, on tap."

"Hold on, I'll be with you in an instant."

A can of Mountain Dew sits down on the other side of the sea-monkey and says, "Don't order water in a bar. It tastes like piss." It then tries to grab some pickled eggs off the bar, but they all tumble to the floor.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" says the sea-monkey.

"My name's Brian, shrimp."

"Well, Brian, I don't like how you drop eggs, insult water."

The bartender comes back over. "Okay, what can I get ya?"

"I'll have—"

"Not you. I'll take your orders in the order you sat down: monkey, sea-monkey, Dew.

Well, that's it for day one. Next time you get a priest, a rabbi, and a hooker. (Oh, and by the way, if you haven't made a suggestion yet, the request lines are still open...)


1 For the purposes of this series, the character of Tuberculosis will be played by Tommy "Two-Toed" Tuberculosis.

12 comments:

  1. "I don't like how you drop eggs, insult water" made me groan. Well played.

    Also, I look forward to seeing you make tuberculosis walk.

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    1. I do have a knack for making people groan. For I am a pun-y earthling. (See? Told you.)

      And it shan't be too difficult to get the TB walking. After all, I'm sure people walk for tuberculosis, so why not the other way around?

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  2. Oy that was about as bad as the 20 Star Wars-themed "Man walks into a bar" jokes I wrote last week.

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    1. You're using the slang form of "bad" there, right? The one that means "good"? Of course you are. How silly of me to think otherwise.

      But it'll be interesting to see how many of your Star Wars punchlines I also use when I have Jabba the Hutt walk into a bar in a couple days...

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  3. "drop eggs, insult water"
    "monkey, sea-monkey, Dew."

    That's too funny. It really is. Can't wait for the next one.

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    1. Well, that's too bad, because you'll have to wait. Or rather, you had to wait. The next post is now up. Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.

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  4. Replies
    1. I could either take that to mean, "Sure, it was bad, but you managed to do it" or "Of course it was bad, because you did it." I'll go with the latter, just because it's funnier.

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  5. A barista, a barrister and a barbarian

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    1. The suggestions were really supposed to be made on the previous post, but since I've already accepted one off of Facebook, I guess I can't be too picky. Your 3 bars (wait--make that 4) are currently last in the bar queue. (I figured it would be a queue rather than a line, because barristers tend to be British.)

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  6. Replies
    1. I'm proud, too! (Though, less proud about my response time. It took me four days to get to this comment, which is just unacceptable. If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure the sea-monkeys have now disowned me.)

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