Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, June 28, 2012

A Kid in the Bar

I started things off with a needle pulling thread. Here's what's filed into the bar since: a sea-monkey, a priest, rabbi, and hooker, a bowl of Rice Krispies, Jabba the Hutt, tuberculosis, a penguin with William Shakespeare, an old shoe salesman, and a barista, barrister, and barbarian.

Today's suggestion comes courtesy of Beverly Diehl:
A goat walks into a bar. The bartender steps outside and calls, "Hello? Anybody out here? We've got your goat."

"Very funny, kid."

"Whatever, you old goat. Now what do you want? And be quick about it. You shouldn't be in here."

"I want two things. First, a can of Coke, hold the Coke."

"You gonna eat the can? What a pig."

"A pig, me? Please. Second, I'm collecting donations for the Cub Scouts—"

"Curse the Cubs!"

The manager steps up behind the bartender and smacks him with a pan. "Billy! Don't be so gruff with the customers."


"Now get back behind the bar. And don't just stand there. Look alive, stock the shelves or something." He turns back to the goat as Billy heads to the bar. "Sorry about that. That kid's on rocky ground; complaints against him are mountin'."

"Maybe I should go."

"Nonsense, come to the kitchen with—"

"Yes, you should go!" yells Billy.

"Stay out of this! Again, I'm sorry. He's always trying to horn in on my private conversations. But, if you'll join me in the kitchen, we can talk about a donation."

"That's very kind."

They start walking toward the back. "So, Goat, heard of mutton curry? I'm just about to start a batch." The manager licks his lips.

Billy reaches out from behind the bar and grabs the goat as they pass. He whispers intensely, "Escape, Goat, while you still can. I tried to drive you off, but—"

There is a loud clang, and the bartender slumps to the floor. The manager places the pan on the counter, and puts his hand on the goat's shoulders, shepherding it into the kitchen.

"You know, if you don't mind staying a little while... I'd love to have you for dinner."

And then there was one. Only one more thing will be entering the bar.

And it's me.


  1. Enter the bar, Nate! You deserve a drink after all of these. And kudos for mentioning the Cubs.

    1. Thanks, Alex. Though, judging from the preceding entries, it doesn't look like I'll get a chance to drink anything at this bar. They sometimes get to order, but so far the beverages have yet to arrive.

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks, Laura. Sometimes you just want to go where everybody knows your name.

  3. What "can" you do with a goat, eh?

    Surprising, I am hungry, if not for something with whiskers.

    1. As far as I know, there are no laws against teaching a goat to drive a tractor...

      And I hope you were able to sate your appetite with something whiskerless (albeit not necessarily whiskeyless).

  4. I am sorry I have been away and missed this series as it unfolded...this was a unique idea and well done.

    1. You're sorry you were on vacation? Well, in that case, next time you stay home and write a bunch of bad puns, and I'll run off somewhere. Sound good? Excellent.