Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Monday, May 2, 2016

Haiku Contest: Science!

*** The contest has ended. View the winners. ***

Congratulations! You’ve unearthed my 7th annual haiku contest!

We've previously performed experiments on ninja, pirates, robots, space, the ocean, and heroes & villains. But now it's time to document the natural world properly: in the form of science haiku!

Here’s how you do it:
Write seventeen syllables.
Eureka! You’re done.

Simply follow standard haiku structure (5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again) and make it have something to do with science. However you interpret the theme is entirely up to you.

To enter, write your haiku in the comments section below. Two or three lucky winners will receive $25 million in gold bullion $25 Amazon gift cards.

I will be selecting the best haiku in each of two categories:
  • Humorous/Creative
  • Traditional (i.e. eloquent, evocative, etc.)
In addition, I may also reward a third entry. I won’t know for sure until I’ve completed my findings.

The deadline to submit a haiku is this Saturday, May 7 at 5:00pm (Eastern Time). Official "rules" are below.

Official "Rules":
  1. To enter, post science-themed haiku in the comments section below. Multiple submissions are allowed, but if you submit more than five (5) entries, you'll have introduced too many elements and they will become unstable. Thus, excess entries will be disposed of safely and efficiently.
  2. Standard haiku rules apply. To qualify, each entry must be a three-line poem, the first line containing exactly 5 syllables, the second line 7 syllables, and the third line 5 syllables. If you miscount, your results will not be repeatable. And since I won’t be able to repeat it, your entry will not win.
  3. The contest is open until Saturday, May 7, 2016 at 5:00pm, Eastern Time. If your entry arrives after the deadline, I will assume you’ve failed in your attempt to bend time. Failed experiments are not yet ready for public consumption and will be rendered invalid.
  4. Entries must be in English. (i.e. Using Japanese kanji will not help you win for best traditional haiku.) If, after careful examination, I cannot understand your entry, I will deem it purely theoretical and remove it from consideration.
  5. Anonymous entries will not win. In the sciences, attaching your name gives something credibility. If you can’t grasp the gravity of this, your entries will be unceremoniously dropped.
  6. Prizes will be awarded in each of two (2) categories: Humorous/Creative and Traditional. A third prize may be awarded depending on how I react to certain variables.
    • First place winners will each receive a $25 Amazon gift card.
    • An indeterminate number of Honorable Mentions will receive both mention and honor. Not necessarily in that order.
  7. I will act as sole judge, and select the winning haiku based on the aforementioned criteria, as well as other criteria I make up as I go along. All decisions are final, and will not be changed under any circumstances. Though they may evolve.


  1. Hmm. I've never written a haiku about science before. Unless, of course, the science of irritating my boss counts.

    Love those official rules.

    1. Glad you love the rules.
      And as for science haiku...
      This one is my first.*

      *No it isn't. Just saying "science" in a haiku doesn't automatically make it a science haiku. HAIKU REJECTED (see rule #7)

  2. We wanted to meet
    the aliens until they
    got us all pregnant.

  3. The wheel is on fire
    it's all because of science
    don't worry it's fake

  4. Nuclear Energy
    the power of the atom
    from Genie's bottle

  5. The phenomenon
    of quantum entanglement
    questions everything

  6. Higgs is now old hat
    since a new find from nowhere


  7. Curiosity:
    @SarcasticRover proclaimed
    "Let's do a science!"

  8. Deflategate is crap
    The NFL doesn't get
    The Ideal Gas Law

  9. I received a C
    from a sea anemone
    in biology

  10. Ernesto P. SantiagoMay 4, 2016 at 4:26 PM

    no one in the house
    only a spider weaving
    the light between us

  11. Back to the Future
    was wrong about time travel.
    The Cubs never win.

  12. Keith A. SimmondsMay 5, 2016 at 7:53 AM

    Space exploration
    expanding the human mind
    quest for survival

  13. Keith A. SimmondsMay 5, 2016 at 11:07 AM

    Mother Nature writhes in pain
    at man’s cruelty

  14. Keith A. SimmondsMay 5, 2016 at 11:08 AM

    Brighter shades of brown
    upon the wilting mountains
    global warming woes

  15. Keith A. SimmondsMay 5, 2016 at 11:24 AM

    One more quantum leap
    in nuclear advancement…
    the Apocalypse

  16. Keith A. SimmondsMay 5, 2016 at 11:44 AM

    The ozone layer…
    a furnace of desires
    sears the heart of man

  17. Terrence Trent D'Arby's
    She Blinded Me With Science
    Is an awesome song

    Neil Degrasse Tyson
    Bill Nye, and Sarah Palin
    One doesn't belong...

  18. A spider bit me
    In the Radiation Lab
    I am Spiderman

  19. Sodium metal
    Is serene in glycerin.
    Explodes with water

  20. My tuna is gone
    And yet it is not eaten.
    Damn Schrodinger's cat!

  21. Mars: a hot planet
    Because of all its red sand
    So says Solomon.

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  23. “Stand back!” says the man.
    “I'm going to try science!”
    And then he blows up.

    I sleep for one hour,
    no more (and probably less);
    Change sample, repeat.

  24. Pipette filtration,
    Roto-vap the caliper.
    (Science gibberish.)

    "Get Superpowers:
    Mutate, transform—that’s science!"
    "…No, it’s really not."

    Erlenmeyer flask:
    Bunsen Honeydew sticks it
    On poor Beaker’s head.

  25. Mendel is revered.
    I do the same thing with plagues,
    And I'm the monster?

    A crater smolders
    Thick clouds cover everything
    The darkness descends

    I am such a nerd.
    I never get girls' numbers,
    Just Avagadro's.

    Cut. Slice. Slice. Pin. Pin.
    "Can't believe girls kiss these things."
    Cut. Slice. Slice. Pin. Pin.

    I'm a body in motion...
    Guess I'll keep moving.

    Books! (sh.) Movies! (sh!)
    Reference! (SH!) Programs! (SH!)
    It's (library) SCIENCE!

  26. chemistry balanced
    a perfectly set table
    of the elements

  27. pinch of green and splash
    of blue, poof! magic in a

  28. scientist returns
    to brag of nobel prize for
    time travel machine

  29. if mother of in-
    vention is necessity,
    laziness, father

    yay science!

  30. Late as usual.
    When you travel much too fast,
    clocks run very slow.