Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Love Letters, Literally

Leaping Lazarus! I'm itching to give away over $100 in my From A to Z Contest. I might give it to you. Show me what you've got.

Dearest Alphabet,
Oh my love, I have been under your spell ever since the first moment I saw you. I was drawn in by your magnetism, but even at that early age I could see you were more attached to the refrigerator than you were to me. But I didn't give up: I found you in the library, and then at school, and it wasn't long before we were going everywhere together. Of course, we didn't always get along—sometimes you were too bold, or a bit loopy, or leaned too far to the right for my taste—but I never stopped loving you. You're always kind to widows and orphans, and oh those fantastic curves!

When I'm with you, I feel like anything's possible. You transport me to faraway lands for grand adventures. When we're alone I can have my way with you, yet you don't mind when I put you on display for the whole world to see. Yes, I did have that short fling with a couple of hot numbers in college, but you were my first real love, and I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you I love you I love you, and I always will. (Don't tell my wife.)




Dear A,
B mine. You touch B, I kill you.

- C


Dear M,
I love U. M sorry we no work out.

- I


Dear U,
Not to be querulous, but why won't you come away with me? Do my inquiries not pique your interest? It's quaint that you wish to remain amongst these unsophisticated troglodytes, but none of the other letters is your equal. They possess neither your quiet, gentle nature nor your eloquence. They are overly quirky and quick to quibble; neither are endearing qualities. And since A was nearly drawn and quartered, it seems C has started using I as an enforcer. Frankly, it's disquieting, and you deserve better.

There is no question we belong together, my darling. With you as my queen, we could conquer the English-speaking world. Perhaps you find my forwardness quite quixotic, but thy shalt not quit. Let us escape this quintessential quagmire.

Unequivocally yours,


Dear Q,
I with U now. I no understand message. Neither do U.

- U


Dear A,
Hope you are recovering quickly after what I did to you. Question: Would you ever consider leaving this dreadful language and starting anew in Qatar?

Eagerly awaiting your answer,

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge, hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh and seven others. Go check out the other participants!


  1. hmm,, Nice Post I read..

    lOve This..

    Visit Me, please..


  2. The alphabet after dark. Wow. Excellent love letters, Nate! Great job.

  3. Visiting your blog and seeing how your mind works is like visiting a foreign country. It is strange and delightful at the same time.

  4. "More attached to the refrigerator". LOL.

  5. This is the first of your posts that I've read, and I love it, now I'm off to explore previous posts. Thanks for sharing your love letters =)

  6. Dirty alphabet behavior. Who knew what they were up to between the pages? Thanks for stopping by my blog. ;)

  7. RJR: Thanks, I try. Although in this case, it practically wrote itself.

    yaheu: Why thank you Mr. Spammer, sir! So glad Nice Post you read! I visit you long time.

    Mama Zen: Hilarious? Those poor little letters pouring their hearts out! (If you laugh, it'll only enrage I further.)

    Jeffrey: I know, it's crazy. Did you know Y swings both ways?

    Alex: Not bad, but Mary has raised the bid to very clever. Your move. :)

    Shelli: I'm so glad you went with foreign country, and not carnival sideshow. Thanks!

    Golden: Sadly, at that stage the alphabet couldn't spell LOL. There was only one of each letter, you see.

    Spenc: You're welcome! And I hope you enjoy your time going through the history of The Wheel.

    Melissa: Actually, X is the really dirty one. Especially when he brings his two brothers along.

    Mary: Are you sure it was wise to show up Alex by adding in "very"? He is one of the Challenge co-hosts, after all. :)

  8. Lisa: I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it "ingenious." It's just a bunch of letters cobbled together... but thanks!

  9. Hehehe. Very clever and such fun. Always kind to widows and orphans!

    You have a new fan!

    Ellie Garratt

  10. Ellie: Thanks! The feeling's mutual. And welcome aboard.