Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Half Humphrey

Holy horsefeathers! I'm giving away over $100 in my From A to Z Contest! You should enter. That money (and maybe the horsefeathers) could be yours.

For your viewing pleasure, let me present to you this handy dandy multi-letter conversion chart:

AAAA = 1 tiny battery; 1 1/3 auto clubs; 2 Milnes
BBB = 1 consumer rights group; a King and a half
CCCC = 2 cubic centimeters; ~57% of the Kraken's domain
DD = 1 national fried dough merchant; 2/3 of a top-heavy porn star
EEEEE = 1 reeeeeally wide shoe; 1 mouse sighting; 2½ uppercase cummingses
FFF = 1 forte fortissimo; half-white HTML
GGG = 1 annual defective yeti guide; 75% of a cellular network
HHH = 1 former US VP; 1 pro wrestler; ¾ of a youth organization
III = 1 Richard; page 3 of the prologue
JJJ = 1 Schmidt (that's my name, too!); 1½ Abramses
KKK = 3 swinging strikeouts; 40 guys in bed sheets
LL = 1 Bean; 1 Cool J; 40% of a llama
MMM = ¼ of this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school; 1 bop
NN = 1 internet principle
OOO = 1 Tic-Tac-Toe win; 1 ghost with a short attention span (or no confidence)
PPP = 1 piano pianissimo; 1½ non-toilet-trained toddlers
QQQQ = 1 Nasdaq 100 Trust until last month; 20% of 20 Questions
RRR = 1 unit of education; 1 space between Oriental Avenue & Income Tax
SSSSSS = 3 Nazi squadrons; 1 slow leak
TT = 1 Audi roadster; 2 steak bones
UU = 1 W
VV = 1 set of fangs; 2 vendettas
WWW = 1 series of tubes
XXX = thirty; dirty; kisses
YYY = 1 lament
ZZZ = 1 unit of Sleep; 1½ Tops

Yes, technically H is only 1/3 of a Humphrey, but that amount left little alliteration for the post's title, so I decided to round up. Consequently, I'd appreciate it if you would just keep this between us, and didn't report me to the International Bureau of Weights & Measures. In return for your discretion, I'll give you a DD hole.1

So, did I miss anything important?

1 Yes, I realize that, based on the chart above, a DD hole could refer to either something awesome or something really disgusting (or vice versa), but that's what you're getting. Deal with it.

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge, hosted by Karen Gowen and seven others. Go check out the other participants!


  1. I really like your take on this post. Parts of it had me rolling in laughter!

  2. Thirty dirty kisses! Love that one! this is one of the cleverest posts I've seen in a while. Bravo!

  3. A very fine and educational post. By the way, III also = 1 exclamation.

  4. Very clever! Very funny!

    Gregg Metcalf
    Colossians 1:28-29

    Gospel-driven Disciples

  5. damyanti: Was there actual rolling involved? (Don't worry, I won't report you to the Hyperbole Infraction Committee as long as you don't say anything to the IBWM.)

    li: Thanks! *bows* That may be my favorite conversion as well...

    Bob: III, no es bueno. By Jove, you're right! Thanks for pointing that out.

    Gregg: Thanks, clever and funny are two of the things I like being the most. (The other is "not at work.")

  6. This had to be a time consuming post. Don't know how you did it. I'd need a couple bottles of vino, then hit the ZZZZZZZZs as I passed out head first on my desk alseep.

  7. I like that HHH is a pro wrestler. Not everyone would know that.

  8. Stephen: Actually, my anagrammatic A post has taken the longest so far. And I must say, even when you're inebriated your head has great aim. I tend to fall asleep on the..........

    Budd: Then perhaps you'd be surprised to learn I've only watched one wrestling event in my life: Wrestlemania IV. All my wrestling knowledge comes from video games.

  9. I have talked with Vince McMahon and he is sorry to have lost you as a wrestling fan and wants you to know that a lot has changed in 20 years and that you should give it another shot.

  10. Lynda: Wonderful! I live to entertain. (And to eat copious amounts of ice cream.)

    Budd: I'm just glad his wife didn't win a senate seat here in my home state of CT. You know what, if the WWE promised Linda would get hit by a chair every week, I'd tune in every time. It could look something like this.