Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Half Humphrey

Holy horsefeathers! I'm giving away over $100 in my From A to Z Contest! You should enter. That money (and maybe the horsefeathers) could be yours.

For your viewing pleasure, let me present to you this handy dandy multi-letter conversion chart:

AAAA = 1 tiny battery; 1 1/3 auto clubs; 2 Milnes
BBB = 1 consumer rights group; a King and a half
CCCC = 2 cubic centimeters; ~57% of the Kraken's domain
DD = 1 national fried dough merchant; 2/3 of a top-heavy porn star
EEEEE = 1 reeeeeally wide shoe; 1 mouse sighting; 2½ uppercase cummingses
FFF = 1 forte fortissimo; half-white HTML
GGG = 1 annual defective yeti guide; 75% of a cellular network
HHH = 1 former US VP; 1 pro wrestler; ¾ of a youth organization
III = 1 Richard; page 3 of the prologue
JJJ = 1 Schmidt (that's my name, too!); 1½ Abramses
KKK = 3 swinging strikeouts; 40 guys in bed sheets
LL = 1 Bean; 1 Cool J; 40% of a llama
MMM = ¼ of this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school; 1 bop
NN = 1 internet principle
OOO = 1 Tic-Tac-Toe win; 1 ghost with a short attention span (or no confidence)
PPP = 1 piano pianissimo; 1½ non-toilet-trained toddlers
QQQQ = 1 Nasdaq 100 Trust until last month; 20% of 20 Questions
RRR = 1 unit of education; 1 space between Oriental Avenue & Income Tax
SSSSSS = 3 Nazi squadrons; 1 slow leak
TT = 1 Audi roadster; 2 steak bones
UU = 1 W
VV = 1 set of fangs; 2 vendettas
WWW = 1 series of tubes
XXX = thirty; dirty; kisses
YYY = 1 lament
ZZZ = 1 unit of Sleep; 1½ Tops

Yes, technically H is only 1/3 of a Humphrey, but that amount left little alliteration for the post's title, so I decided to round up. Consequently, I'd appreciate it if you would just keep this between us, and didn't report me to the International Bureau of Weights & Measures. In return for your discretion, I'll give you a DD hole.1

So, did I miss anything important?


1 Yes, I realize that, based on the chart above, a DD hole could refer to either something awesome or something really disgusting (or vice versa), but that's what you're getting. Deal with it.

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge, hosted by Karen Gowen and seven others. Go check out the other participants!

12 comments:

  1. I really like your take on this post. Parts of it had me rolling in laughter!

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  2. Thirty dirty kisses! Love that one! this is one of the cleverest posts I've seen in a while. Bravo!

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  3. A very fine and educational post. By the way, III also = 1 exclamation.

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  4. Very clever! Very funny!


    Gregg Metcalf
    Colossians 1:28-29

    Gospel-driven Disciples

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  5. damyanti: Was there actual rolling involved? (Don't worry, I won't report you to the Hyperbole Infraction Committee as long as you don't say anything to the IBWM.)

    li: Thanks! *bows* That may be my favorite conversion as well...

    Bob: III, no es bueno. By Jove, you're right! Thanks for pointing that out.

    Gregg: Thanks, clever and funny are two of the things I like being the most. (The other is "not at work.")

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  6. This had to be a time consuming post. Don't know how you did it. I'd need a couple bottles of vino, then hit the ZZZZZZZZs as I passed out head first on my desk alseep.

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  7. I like that HHH is a pro wrestler. Not everyone would know that.

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  8. Stephen: Actually, my anagrammatic A post has taken the longest so far. And I must say, even when you're inebriated your head has great aim. I tend to fall asleep on the..........

    Budd: Then perhaps you'd be surprised to learn I've only watched one wrestling event in my life: Wrestlemania IV. All my wrestling knowledge comes from video games.

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  9. I have talked with Vince McMahon and he is sorry to have lost you as a wrestling fan and wants you to know that a lot has changed in 20 years and that you should give it another shot.

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  10. Lynda: Wonderful! I live to entertain. (And to eat copious amounts of ice cream.)

    Budd: I'm just glad his wife didn't win a senate seat here in my home state of CT. You know what, if the WWE promised Linda would get hit by a chair every week, I'd tune in every time. It could look something like this.

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