Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Wild West Haiku Contest!

*** The contest has ended. View the winners here. ***

Welcome to my 8th annual haiku contest!

We've previously explored ninja, pirates, robots, space, the ocean, heroes & villains, and science. But now it's time to go a different direction with Wild West haiku!

It's pretty simple:
Write seventeen syllables
And shoot 'em my way.

Simply follow standard haiku structure (5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again) and have it involve the wild west. However you interpret the theme is entirely up to you.

To enter, write your haiku in the comments section below. Two or three lucky winners will receive the entire Gadsden Purchase $25 Amazon gift cards.

I will be selecting the best haiku in each of two categories:
  • Humorous/Creative
  • Traditional (i.e. eloquent, evocative, etc.)
In addition, I may also reward a third entry if I see fit. So, go west, young men and women!

The deadline to submit a haiku is this Sunday, May 7 at 5:00pm (Eastern Time). Official "rules" are below.

Official "Rules":
  1. To enter, post Wild-West-themed haiku in the comments section below. Multiple submissions are allowed, up to a maximum of six (6) entries. If you haven't hit your mark by then, you're out of luck. You won't be given the chance to reload.
  2. Standard haiku rules apply. To qualify, each entry must be a three-line poem, the first line containing exactly 5 syllables, the second line 7 syllables, and the third line 5 syllables. If you miscount, you're nothin' but a goldurn cheat, and you won't see a dime.
  3. The contest is open until Sunday, May 7, 2017 at 5:00pm, Eastern Time. If your entry arrives after the allotted time, you won't have a chance at a prize. That train will have left the station.
  4. Entries must be in English. (i.e. Using Japanese kanji will not help you win for best traditional haiku.) If I can't grasp your meaning, it means you ain't from around here. And we don't take kindly to strangers in these parts. You won't win.
  5. Anonymous entries will not win. If I don't know who you are, you're a stranger. See Rule 4.
  6. Prizes will be awarded in each of two (2) categories: Humorous/Creative and Traditional. A third prize may be awarded if I'm feeling generous. Or if I'm hallucinating from exposure.
    • First place winners will each receive a $25 Amazon gift card.
    • An indeterminate number of Honorable Mentions will receive both mention and honor. Not necessarily in that order.
  7. I will act as sole judge, and select the winning haiku based on the aforementioned criteria, as well as other criteria I make up as I go along. All decisions are final, and will not be changed under any circumstances. Unless circumstances change.
  8. NEW RULE (as of May 1): "Wild" can sound like 1 or 2 syllables, depending on how you say it. Sure, the internet says it's 1, but the internet is full of lies. For this contest, "wild" is wild: depending on what you need for your haiku, it can be either 1 or 2 syllables.


  1. Like Al Swearengen
    I think William Randolph Hearst
    Is a C%&*sucker!

  2. I'm Doc Holliday
    And I'm Your Huckleberry

  3. Shitty Blockbuster
    With Will Smith, Kevin Kline And
    Spider-legged Branagh

  4. Cleavon Little screams
    "Where all the white women at!!??"
    It's Mel Brooks' genius

  5. Big, loud contraption
    With lots of bells and whistles
    Doc Brown making ice

  6. Apparently all
    I know about the wild west
    Is from the movies

  7. Exploring baby
    swallows cowboy doll. His poop:
    the final frontier.

  8. "Savage injuns" myth
    Circle the wagons and fight
    Perpetuate hate.

  9. (Title: Westworld)
    Consciousness is maze.
    Hey, what happens here, stays here.
    They're only human.

  10. Great idea for a Haiku contest. I'm not ready, yet. Wanted to say thanks for stopping by my blog today. I can't believe "The Little Professor" is already 5! Glad you two got the chance to see Frog and Toad. I'll stop back later with a Haiku, maybe.

    1. Glad you came back and submitted a Hog-wild haiku! And yeah, I sometimes can't believe he's already 5 (or that the above picture is from Halloween 2015).

  11. My Modern Cowboy Haiku
    Modern Cowboys ride
    Motorized iron horses

  12. Keith A. SimmondsMay 1, 2017 at 6:24 AM

    Showdown at high noon...
    Billy the Kid walks slowly
    set to flash his colts

  13. Windows and doors close …
    fastest gunmen in the West
    riding into town

  14. A bank robbery …
    Jesse James brothers ride off
    with huge bags of loot

  15. Dodge City Kansas
    two gunfighters riding in
    to help Wyatt Earp

  16. Nebraska shootout …
    wounded Wild Bill Hickok kills
    four angry cowboys

  17. Howdy gunslinger
    We don't want no trouble here
    Glassware is costly

  18. It sounds so awesome
    I really want to join it
    Wild West Haiku

  19. The O.K. Corral …
    a trigger-happy gunman
    shot by the sheriff

  20. Wild Wild West was cursed
    Giant mechanized spider
    Dodged by Superman

  21. Back to the Future
    Part Two helped me win last year
    Part Three wins this time?

  22. Sleeping on the ground
    The fire goes out way too soon
    Horse lips touch my lips

  23. The pain is so sharp
    Go west young man said Horace
    Should have known cactus

  24. Circle the wagons
    The nights are long and scary
    When it's not your land

  25. Six bullets in me
    For looking him in the eye
    Goes dark real soon here

  26. Now off my tall horse
    I see you are my equal
    This makes us both free

  27. Just a squaw you say
    Her hair is long and pretty
    Makes no sense at all

  28. Hitched up my wagon
    Thought I could reach Oregon
    Dysentery... dead

  29. Stop calling me Kid
    It's a little demeaning
    I'm William the Man

  30. The doors swing open
    Silence covers the saloon
    Piano gets tuned

  31. Big film producer
    Directing film called "The Sun."
    It's set in the west.

  32. A western in space
    Star Trek molded my young mind
    Still can't wear red shirts

  33. Young riders wanted -
    wiry, agile, wild, and brave -
    Note: Orphans preferred.

  34. Spaghetti Westerns
    were my childhood food and drink
    and still nourish me

  35. Nostalgia

    The land of big sky
    Now tamed by small minded men
    The West: wild no more.

  36. A Mantra for Cancer Patients

    My aunt taught me keep
    signing and riding along
    Just like Gene Autry did.

  37. Fly to Seattle,
    Then far past Seattle, to
    The land of Haikus.

  38. An empty saloon.
    When the taps sadly ran dry
    We went for ice cream.

  39. Ned North concentrates.
    Sam South: calm, Ed East: contained,
    But Will West is wild.

  40. Noble Wildebeest
    Cross Africa to the new
    ate of the Gnu

  41. Virtuous #thegood
    Reprehensible #thebad
    Oh my gawd! #ugly

    Mae had her moments,
    But no one can top Kanye.
    He's the wildest West.

    Tracked him down at last.
    I'm so close I can touch him.
    "Meep! Meep!" And he's gone.

    A lone gunman waits
    Moonlight glinting off his star
    The town's safe tonight

    We did it! So rich!
    Damn, I'm double-crossed. So long.
    My blood seeps. So cold.

    The eskimos scoff
    The Fastest Gun in the North
    Sounds nice, ain't worth shit

    Cowboys in the saddle
    Broncos buck, can't knock 'em off
    Final score: 10-6