Today's original suggestion of a penguin was supplied by Katy Manck, though my wife Denise decided to complicate matters by throwing someone else into the mix:
A penguin and William Shakespeare walk into a bar. The penguin looks to the other and says, "What have we here? A man or a fish?"
Shakespeare studies the penguin. "You don't get out much, do you?"
"Not till this March. But I'm on the run now. That's why I'm hiding out in this dive. Morgan Freeman is stalking me at every turn."
"That doesn't sound so bad... though he did attack Rome, and kill Caesar." Shakespeare scans the room. "You should be careful. Where are you headed?"
"I have family in the sewers of Gotham."
"Oh, you shan't lose your tail in Gotham. Morgan Freeman's a fox."
They call over their server, who had been waiting in the wings, and order a couple cold ones.
"You know," says Shakespeare. "We're polar opposites, you and I."
"How so?"
"You know how to play right. You keep your feet happy. Mine oft turn tragic."
"I thought you called yours meter."
"Are you trying to egg me on?"
"No."
"Okay, I'll let it slide."
"Actually, I envy your work, William. O, to be black and white and read all over."
"Just let your ideas incubate for a while, and you might soar to great heights."
"What would you know about soaring? You're just a flightless bard."
This piece may not be as pun-filled as its predecessors, but hey, you try to write groan-worthy witticisms in 95° temperatures. It's entirely possible my brain has melted. Anyway, next one into the bar is an old shoe salesman, so stay tuned.
95 degree weather or not, this is still much more clever than I ever could have been.
ReplyDeleteI think you underestimate your cleverness (or overestimate mine). I blame the heat.
DeleteFlightless bards are terrible to care for. Messy creatures.
ReplyDeleteThe ink budget alone can be crippling. Not to mention it's impossible to keep them confined, since all the world's their stage.
DeleteMorgan Freeman is stalking him - hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOh, you think so now. But what happens when he starts stalking you, and narrating your every move?
DeleteIt must be especially hard to write penguin jokes in that kind of heat.
ReplyDeleteActually, it probably helped me stay cool. (Note: I mean cool as in popular, not in terms of temperature. Thinking of the antarctic didn't keep me from melting.)
DeleteOho, punny enough for summertime! And now sending this to my daughter whose childhood love of "peng'ins" inspired me to suggest one for your writing funfest....
ReplyDelete**Katy M
Recommending YA books beyond the bestsellers at http://BooksYALove.blogspot.com
Follow me on Twitter @BooksYALove
Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for sharing. And here's a bonus tip: Don't shake spears at a penguin. It may take offense. (That, and you'll look like a fool... unless it's an electric penguin, 20 feet high, with long green tentacles that sting people. In that case you'd look like a doomed fool, because throwing spears is much more effective.)
DeleteLol, very very well played.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Youngman!
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ReplyDelete