Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sometimes, The Wheel is on Fire

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Judaism's Deepest Secrets Revealed!

Note: All I reveal with this post are the questions. The secrets are revealed here.

Since September, the vast majority of my time has been taken up by work, my young son, and the general vagaries of Life.1 Consequently, I have skipped most of my annual (or annual-ish) blog posts. I won't list them all here,2 but I wanted to apologize for making your last few months that much less interesting by not rambling incoherently on the internet.

I couldn't allow this post to slip by as well, however. Because, you see, this is a service only I can provide. Goys and girls, it's time for my third annual Jew & A. That's right, once again...

I will answer any question you have about Judaism.

First came Uncle Nate's Wholly Unsubstantiated Hanukkah Primer. Then one crazy guy explained eight crazy nights. And last year, I answered your chosen questions about the Chosen People.

So, go ahead. Ask me any question concerning Jews or Judaism — any question at all — and I will answer it with all the truth and sincerity you've come to expect from this blog. Don't worry if someone has asked the same question before; just like the dates of Jewish holidays, my answers are never the same twice.

Have you ever wondered why we Jews are so good with money, but so bad at sports? Why the practices of Orthodox Jews seem so unorthodox? Why we repeatedly insist you have a nagila? Just ask.

You have until the end of Hanukkah (next Sunday, 12/16) to post your question(s) in the comments section below. After that, you'll have to wait until next Hanukkah, which, frankly, could be any day now.

1 The cereal, not the board game.
2 I'll do it here instead: my wedding anniversary, International Talk Like a Pirate Day, 10 Top 10s for 10/10, Guy Fawkes Day, Thanksgiving, and NaNoRhyMo (National Novel Rhyming Month). Yep, six of 'em. When I don't do something, I don't do it 100%.


  1. YAY Jew & A!!

    I want to get an electric Menorah for our school's TV studio & school that a super cool idea or super tacky?

    Which Bare Naked Ladies song do you like best? - Hanukkah Blessings or Hanukkah, O Hanukkah?

    Have you heard of or like the Maccabeats Candlelight Video? We think it's awesome!

    With this red hair & goyim punim I'm obviously a shiksa but I LOVE to promote diversity in my school!

    Oh and I've blogged about my pet peeve about bloggers apologizing for not blogging but I gotta say you handled it with the footnotes hilariously! Good on ya!

    The Daring Librarian

    1. That bugs me, too, Gwyneth, which is why I usually just explain my absence rather than apologize for it. This time I made an exception because, oooh! footnotes. (Also, I felt guilty about depriving folk of pirates and novel rhymes. Perhaps I shouldn't have felt guilty, but I am Jewish, after all.)

      And hey, since your first question may be time-sensitive, I'll answer it now. (I'll also answer it again -- and differently -- in my official answer post.) That's super tacky. I can't believe cuts have gotten so bad the school's TV studio and library are the same room. How can you get any reading done with everyone always yelling "CUT!", or they get any filming done with you constantly whispering "SHH!"? If you have space, though, a menorah would look super cool in there.

  2. Have you already planned your son's Bar Mitzvah?

  3. So what is the proper skullcap etiquette?
    Is there a regulation length for those curled sideburns?
    How come Einstein Bagels don't sell Bialys? How hard could it be to change the name to Einstein Bagels and Bialys?
    If I leave my front door open for passover and I am robbed, who is responsible - my local synagogue or local b'nai brith?
    When Jews marrty and wrap a cocktail glass in a knapkin and then crush it, do they re-cycle the knapkin?
    Is it illegal to not use farfel in Kasha varnishkes? I have a lot of elbow macaroni in my cupboard. My local grocer don't know from farfel, he only stocks bowties and those black ones are too formal.

  4. Doesn't the Menorah just increase the fire hazard this time of year?? Just saying...

  5. Can you really learn beatboxing at Hebrew school? (This might not make any sense to you unless you dig that TV show Scrubs...)
    Some Dark Romantic

  6. I'm not Christian, but I have a Christmas tree in my living room. I'm not Jewish either, but I feel in the sense of fairness I should have something to celebrate Hanukkah, as well. What would you recommend?

  7. Why are Jewish words so hard to spell?

  8. The most popular Jewish holiday is all about lighting fires. Are all Jews pyromaniacs? Are all pyromaniacs Jews?

  9. Hahahahaha brilliant idea, but right now I'm out of questions. Will look forward to your answers, though. :-)